I Won’t Be Competing In The 2016 Summer Olympics

As the summer has progressed, I have avoided answering the question so many of you have posed. I did this, not to build suspense, but to find the best answer for all concerned.

So now I find myself at a critical decision point. Though my announcement is rather late, I want you to know that it was not made quickly or without much soul searching.

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See you in 2018 (image public domain)

Because of my concerns regarding the Zika virus and the increasing likelihood that the venues will not be ready on time, I will not be competing in the upcoming Summer Olympics games in Rio. Read the rest of this entry »


I Know A Disturbing Amount About Pokemon.

A few days ago, my wife and I were in the car, talking about people who were playing the new Pokemon Go game. She made the point that she really doesn’t know much about Pokemon and so she really couldn’t understand why people were getting into car accidents and walking off of cliffs to find them.

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Bulbasaur, Pikachu, Squirtle and Charmander. Yes, I knew that off the top of my head. (image via pokemondb.net)

I haven’t quite figured out what makes people who play Pokemon Go disregard their safety, but as I started explaining the story behind Pokemon, she pointed something out that I didn’t realize – I know a disturbing amount about Pokemon. Credit for this knowledge must go to my son, who infused me with the game’s lore when he was six.

Naturally, our conversation made it to Facebook and there was a request that I pass on my knowledge to our friends who have no intention of either playing this new game or finding a six year old to explain Pokemon to them. So, as a service to my friends and anyone who doesn’t get what all the excitement is about, I’m going to pass on all the knowledge I have on the subject. Read the rest of this entry »


Budweiser Renames Itself America. Sure, No Problem

So today brings the news that Budweiser beer will re-brand itself for the summer. Until the 2016 Presidential Election (also re-branded as “The Tournament Of The Lesser Of Two Evils”) the marketing folks behind that beer would like you to call Budweiser “America”.

Good idea, right? Nah.

Look we all have our product preferences. Some people enjoy Budweiser, errr, America beer. Others don’t. We can debate the merits of this particular brand as a beverage, but in the end, if you prefer that, it is what you will drink. But is renaming it after a continent and “The United States Of” that continent a good idea? I have my concerns.

Read the rest of this entry »


Sarcasm Is Lost On A Cat

We all do things we come to regret. And in those moments of regret come moments of self-reflection.

Questions like “why did I do that?” help us learn and grow. I’m not here to enlighten you with something I learned in one of those moments. I just needed a way to get in to my topic.

In the middle of the night, I woke up thirsty. I staggered into the kitchen for some water.

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Boog, seemingly unfazed by the incident.

It was three a.m., so the details of what happened next are a bit hazy, as if they were part of a dream. I’m certain it wasn’t a dream because there was a bottle of water on my nightstand this morning.

Read the rest of this entry »


Pencil Thin Unibrow

Today, while I was running errands I saw a woman. Not just any woman.She lacked eyebrows. I’m pretty certain that there wasn’t a medical reason for her having a naked brow. No, this was self-inflicted.

As we walked toward each other, I crossed to the other side of the street. My car being on that side of the road was there was only part of the reason I crossed. Mostly, it was because she terrified me.

I jumped in my car and buckled up; when I looked up, she was about to cross the street. This was a difficult situation which forced me to look at her again. The fact that she’d shaved off her eyebrows and drew them back on made her, well, a challenging sight to describe. Read the rest of this entry »


Yo No Soy Marinero

Since my hearing impairment was diagnosed, I often ask myself two questions:

Was that person talking to me?

What did they say?

 

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I just needed poblanos. (image purejadkid CCbySA3.0)

So, when a woman started talking to me yesterday at the grocery, I started with those familiar queries.

I was grabbing a cart and heard a woman’s voice behind me call out “hello!” It’s kind of rare for me to run into my friends during one of my afternoon food runs, but as I turned, I asked myself the first of my questions. She was looking at me and smiling; the answer seemed to be yes, she was talking to me. And I was pretty certain she’d said hello because when I turned, she followed up with “how’ve you been?”

But I had no idea who she was.

When someone talks to me and I don’t know who they are, I often ask myself two questions:

When did my wife introduce me to this person?

Is she close enough to save me?

I could not figure out the answer to the first question. Did my wife and I meet her at a party? I had no idea and my wife was in her office, too far away to get me out of this predicament with her usual grace. It was time to for me to start faking it. Read the rest of this entry »


Haiku For Haiku, In Haiku

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My rough draft. (image public domain)

A few months ago, I discovered that there is a town in Hawaii named Haiku. I can’t claim that I discovered the town. I’m pretty sure that the people who live there were aware it was there long before I figured it out.

But learning that the town exists inspired me to write a haiku for Haiku. That little writing exercise got me to thinking about becoming the poet laureate of Hawaii, so I knocked out two more haiku to expand my body of work (you can read all three haiku here).

About a week ago, my wife and I visited Haiku, Hawaii. It is a laid back, pretty little place in the hills. Read the rest of this entry »


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