I Predict The End Of The World

Harold Camping in 2008

Harold Camping in 2008, before his end of the world.(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The Mayans, or the people reading their calendar, were wrong. Wacky fundamentalist Harold Camping? Wrong.

Everyone else who has predicted the end of the world was wrong. I’m wrong a lot, but I’ve never predicted the end of the world. It is only fair that I take my turn. If people who are wrong get to predict the end of the world, I am as qualified as Camping or the Mayans.

So, I’m going to predict the end of the world. Allow me to give you a few things to watch for between now and September 30, 2013, also known as the day the world ends. As these things occur, they will be a signal to us all of my prophecy’s validity. Read the rest of this entry »

Hi, Welcome To The End Of The World.

Hi, welcome to the end of the world. I hope you’re enjoying it so far.


The Fan, ready to be hit by…you know. (Photo credit: Ryk Neethling)

Just as I’ve done during many of the other ends of the world, I will go to work. The only end of the world that I recall not being scheduled to work was the big one we called Y2K.

I was on standby for Y2K. The plan was for me to get some rest in case my services were needed for the apocalypse. In the event someone took hostages as the world was ending I would be contacted via my ultra modern text pager. As things turned out, there was not a need for post-apocalyptic crisis negotiation. My bosses had encouraged me to rest so I’d be ready. When they decided that I would not be brought in to save lives that would be later snuffed out as the world completed its destruction, they paged me three times to let me know I could go back to sleep. Read the rest of this entry »

Will The Baltimore Orioles Cause The End Of The World?

I have always been a Baltimore Orioles fan. I always will be. Even if they cause the end of the world, they will be my team. Truthfully, if they end the world, it will be partly my fault.

Memorial Stadium in Baltimore. Ok, it was in Baltimore.(Image via wikipedia/paul-w)

My brother and I went to our first major league baseball game with our dad at Memorial Stadium in Baltimore. It was the first game of the 1973 American League Championship, the Birds vs the Oakland A’s. We sat in left field, Jim Palmer pitched, I saw Brooks and Frank and Boog and Mark and Earl. The O’s won the game. I’ll always remember that day.

The Orioles last won the World Series in 1983 (before that, 1966 & 1970). Things have been bleak since. I’m still a fan. The autographed Brooks Robinson photo my brother got me still hangs over my desk. With the team’s current ownership, I’ve looked forward to opening day only because I was pretty sure that would be my only chance to see the O’s on top of the standings. I am still a fan.

And now, there’s this year. The Orioles are in contention to win the American League East. They’re nearly assured a spot in the playoffs. Once they’re in the playoffs, The Series is one hot streak away. If they make it to the World Series, they could win. I’d be thrilled…but then, there is this little matter of the end of our planet. Read the rest of this entry »

Aphorisms For The Apocalypse

Harold Camping in 2008

Would it kill you just say you were wrong and then stop talking? (Image via Wikipedia)

Well, here we are at Rapture + four days. I don’t think there are many of us surprised by that. None of us except predictor in chief, Harold Camping.  Camping has indicated he was, in fact, surprised. He then issued another date for the end (October 21, 2011) upon realizing that he had miscalculated.

Mr. Camping, let’s talk shall we?

I was taught to respect age, but I think my parents felt that in teaching me so, they’d also be teaching me to respect the wisdom that comes with that age. Since wisdom seems to be a missing piece in you, allow me to impart a few bits of common knowledge that you might want to consider before issuing another apocalypse date. Read the rest of this entry »

Pre-rapture Self Portrait Of Me, Post Rapture

The newest end of the world is scheduled for today. Conveniently, this time it is going to end at 6 p.m. local time, whatever 6 p.m. local time is for you.

That is kind of nice, because you certainly want be able schedule your activities and maybe get a pizza delivered in time.  If you order pizza, consider really tipping the delivery person an outrageous amount, at least $400. It will make what’s left of their day, and you’re not really losing anything by doing it.

Also, if I am thinking correctly given this time zone thing, the end of the world will be moving east to west. This is really going to be helpful for those who live on or are visiting the east coast of the Americas. Folks there should be able to see it coming across the water. West Coast people won’t be as lucky. Those folks will have to wait for the end to clear the mountain ranges, so it wont be as visually impressive. Read the rest of this entry »

2012, the end of the world…or maybe it happens when my watch stops.

A new film coming out later this year dramatizes the idea, put forth by some people with unusual thought patterns, that the world will end in 2012. The movie works on the idea that the Mayan calendar ends that year. Calendar runs out, world runs out.

According to the Mayan Calendar, my birthday is Fish, Leopard,Guy With His Tongue Out. Try to remember to send a card.

If you want to read about the Mayan calendar, here is Wikipedia’s information on it. If you don’t want to read about the Mayan calendar, I can just tell you, it doesn’t end. Ever. So, if the world will end when that calendar runs out, the world can never end. Read the rest of this entry »