Hey Costco

Hey Costco, we’re buds, right? We can talk when we’ve gotta talk.

English: A pack of blueberries from a organic ...

You wouldn’t sell me this weeny thing of blueberries. I respect that, man. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I mean, it doesn’t get all weird when I’m in your store, see a giant tub of blueberries for six bucks and say “dude, I love you man. Thanks for all the blueberries.” No, it’s all good.

I fell by your place yesterday to pick up a few things I needed – some vegetables, some fruit. Socks. Yeah, needed socks too. I could have gotten some tires, a shirt and a whole bunch of chicken, but I didn’t this time.

To get to the “need to have” section, I had to go through the “nice to have” section. I passed, once again, on that really huge TV. I also didn’t get a beach cart, camera, watch or several other things. Those baseball tickets you had were tempting. I haven’t seen a Braves game in a long time.

But here’s what I want to talk to you about. And I know I can tell you about this without you getting all belligerent with me. We’re Bros. We say what we have to say. Read the rest of this entry »

Hey, 16-B. Get Out Of My Personal Space

English: Appalachian State University Marching...

App State. Great school.(Image via Wikipedia)

I am beginning to think that I am a magnet for this sort of person. They are drawn to me whenever I fly home from a trip to see my friends.

I spotted them in the airport, a couple in bright yellow Appalachian State University sweatshirts. They caught my eye because I think that couples should never wear matching clothes. Very few people ask me about how they should dress. Perhaps they are reluctant to accept fashion advice from a man who owns as many baseball jerseys as I do, I accept that. But they should understand that even I can tell you that it is always a bad idea to wear matching shirts. Read the rest of this entry »

The Jolie Pez Project: The Jolie In The Charlotte NC Area.

Before The Jolie goes out into the world, visiting the multitudes and saving the world, I thought I would show her around where I live.  I must tell you that I was in for a shock when she came in the mail from eBay made her entrance and I found that she travels with a handgun. She also has some sort of smart phone that she spends a ridiculous amount of time on with her agent.

A Rough Start

I wasn’t impressed with The Jolie on the first day she was around.  She doesn’t have much of a personality, especially when you take into account that she is the savior of the world. I guess saving the world is hard work.

We brought The Jolie over to The Carolina Raptor Center. The Raptor Center rehabilitates injured birds of prey…hence the bird crossing sign. The Omawari-son spent his summer volunteering here feeding owls, eagles, vultures and hawks.

Read the rest of this entry »

Cantore, go home.

The angel of misery

Ice in its natural environment

I don’t like snow. I don’t like ice outside of a drink, a cooler, or a polar ice cap. I don’t like Jim Cantore from the Weather Channel.

I live north of Charlotte, NC. It snowed here Friday. When I woke up Saturday morning there were six inches of snow outside el rancho Omawarisan. Then the ice came.

Keep in mind this is a region that does not do winter weather well.  Once, schools were cancelled because someone  unexpectedly made a snow cone.

Why did this plague befall my adopted hometown? There is no scientific explanation. It is the end of January. Spring begins here at the beginning of March, so it ought to be getting warmer about now.

Soon the calls and text messages began coming in from out-of-town friends – “We saw Cantore is in Charlotte so we called to see if you are ok.” Cantore. That explains everything. The angel of misery arrived. Nothing good happens while that guy is in town. Read the rest of this entry »

The World Cup of Darts. Some suggestions.

I can throw bullseyes any time I want. I just dont want to that often.

I can throw bull's-eyes any time I want. I just don't want to that often.

Last night on the news I saw a report that the World Cup of Darts was being held in my area. Let’s put aside any discussion of the fact you and I did not know there was a World Cup of Darts. We should respect that Darts is a game you can play and enjoy a beer at the same time.

Based on the television news story I saw and my limited experience throwing darts in my friends basement when I was 14, I am going to recommend some changes to the sport. Read the rest of this entry »