Cubs Win! Cubs Win!

There were no stockings hung by the chimney with care. My wife wasn’t wearing a kerchief, nor I a cap. A creature was stirring. Those negative comparisons are as close as this will come to The Night Before Christmas.

I was sleeping well, dreaming as a matter of fact. Dreaming of baseball. I was on the field, in uniform, playing third base. It wasn’t young me doing it; the dream kept me at fifty-four years old.

In my dream, I threw out three batters at first. Each play was more spectacular than the last. My throws were as impressive as my fielding range. Subconsciously, I have a tremendous throwing arm.  Read the rest of this entry »


I Won’t Be Competing In The 2016 Summer Olympics

As the summer has progressed, I have avoided answering the question so many of you have posed. I did this, not to build suspense, but to find the best answer for all concerned.

So now I find myself at a critical decision point. Though my announcement is rather late, I want you to know that it was not made quickly or without much soul searching.

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See you in 2018 (image public domain)

Because of my concerns regarding the Zika virus and the increasing likelihood that the venues will not be ready on time, I will not be competing in the upcoming Summer Olympics games in Rio. Read the rest of this entry »


I Know A Disturbing Amount About Pokemon.

A few days ago, my wife and I were in the car, talking about people who were playing the new Pokemon Go game. She made the point that she really doesn’t know much about Pokemon and so she really couldn’t understand why people were getting into car accidents and walking off of cliffs to find them.

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Bulbasaur, Pikachu, Squirtle and Charmander. Yes, I knew that off the top of my head. (image via pokemondb.net)

I haven’t quite figured out what makes people who play Pokemon Go disregard their safety, but as I started explaining the story behind Pokemon, she pointed something out that I didn’t realize – I know a disturbing amount about Pokemon. Credit for this knowledge must go to my son, who infused me with the game’s lore when he was six.

Naturally, our conversation made it to Facebook and there was a request that I pass on my knowledge to our friends who have no intention of either playing this new game or finding a six year old to explain Pokemon to them. So, as a service to my friends and anyone who doesn’t get what all the excitement is about, I’m going to pass on all the knowledge I have on the subject. Read the rest of this entry »


Budweiser Renames Itself America. Sure, No Problem

So today brings the news that Budweiser beer will re-brand itself for the summer. Until the 2016 Presidential Election (also re-branded as “The Tournament Of The Lesser Of Two Evils”) the marketing folks behind that beer would like you to call Budweiser “America”.

Good idea, right? Nah.

Look we all have our product preferences. Some people enjoy Budweiser, errr, America beer. Others don’t. We can debate the merits of this particular brand as a beverage, but in the end, if you prefer that, it is what you will drink. But is renaming it after a continent and “The United States Of” that continent a good idea? I have my concerns.

Read the rest of this entry »


Pencil Thin Unibrow

Today, while I was running errands I saw a woman. Not just any woman.She lacked eyebrows. I’m pretty certain that there wasn’t a medical reason for her having a naked brow. No, this was self-inflicted.

As we walked toward each other, I crossed to the other side of the street. My car being on that side of the road was there was only part of the reason I crossed. Mostly, it was because she terrified me.

I jumped in my car and buckled up; when I looked up, she was about to cross the street. This was a difficult situation which forced me to look at her again. The fact that she’d shaved off her eyebrows and drew them back on made her, well, a challenging sight to describe. Read the rest of this entry »


Yo No Soy Marinero

Since my hearing impairment was diagnosed, I often ask myself two questions:

Was that person talking to me?

What did they say?

 

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I just needed poblanos. (image purejadkid CCbySA3.0)

So, when a woman started talking to me yesterday at the grocery, I started with those familiar queries.

I was grabbing a cart and heard a woman’s voice behind me call out “hello!” It’s kind of rare for me to run into my friends during one of my afternoon food runs, but as I turned, I asked myself the first of my questions. She was looking at me and smiling; the answer seemed to be yes, she was talking to me. And I was pretty certain she’d said hello because when I turned, she followed up with “how’ve you been?”

But I had no idea who she was.

When someone talks to me and I don’t know who they are, I often ask myself two questions:

When did my wife introduce me to this person?

Is she close enough to save me?

I could not figure out the answer to the first question. Did my wife and I meet her at a party? I had no idea and my wife was in her office, too far away to get me out of this predicament with her usual grace. It was time to for me to start faking it. Read the rest of this entry »


So, Anyhow…

It’s been quiet here on Blurt, and I’m sure that it looks like I’ve stopped writing. Nope.

Yeah, it’s gotten a little tougher to get words on paper. I’m certain that’ll pass. Keep watching this space and you’ll see.

But while we’re waiting for that to happen, I had an idea for a new site and started it up. My new blog is called The Seventeenth Syllable Blog. The Seventeenth Syllable is a haiku driven news site.

Haiku news sites are what happens when I write down the things that I think of when I wake up in the middle of the night. Perhaps I should write those things down more often. Or maybe not.

See you at The Seventeenth Syllable…and here.