Five Routine Minutes: What Does Replace Mean?
Posted: May 17, 2013 Filed under: Foolishness | Tags: art, break room, drawing, humor, Microwave, postaweek, Toaster, work 21 Comments »Most days I bring my lunch to work. I’ve usually got some leftovers in my lunch bag. A quick spin in the office microwave and I’m in business.
There’s always something good on the break room TV. A few weeks ago, we watched some guy who was trying to understand why some lions attacked him. I thought the buckets of raw meat he was carrying were a bigger factor than the “experts” seemed to. Last Friday, we watched some bumpkins wrestling catfish in muddy water. That show made the catfish look like sympathetic characters.
My Graduation Speech
Posted: May 14, 2013 Filed under: Getting older | Tags: college graduation, Darius Rucker, graduation, high school graduation, humor, life, postaweek, thoughts 27 Comments »It is college graduation season. On a local radio news show, they mentioned some speakers who were giving graduates their send off speech. Traditionally, politicians would have littered any list of graduation speakers. The list I heard was trending away from the political realm. Among the speakers mentioned were a retired NFL kicker and Darius Rucker, the singer from the band Hootie and the Blowfish.
Darius Rucker (Photo credit: Wikipedia, public domain)
I like Rucker. He comes across as a personable guy and he co-wrote “Only Wanna Be With You.” He and Hootie also recorded an absolutely wicked version of the Bill Withers hit “Use Me.” I would invite Darius to speak based solely on how hard he rocked “Use Me.”
But the bigger news is that if singers and NFL kickers have wrested control of the graduation speaker market from politicians, it is only a matter of time until obscure bloggers are holding forth before graduates. Once obscure bloggers get their chance, it is a short drop to me. Read the rest of this entry »
Five Routine Minutes: A Cauliflower Sheep
Posted: May 9, 2013 Filed under: Five Minutes | Tags: Cauliflower, comedy, food, humor, postaweek, Sheep 38 Comments »I help teach a class designed to help police officers have more effective interactions with people who are dealing with mental illnesses. My work in that class is something I really enjoy. I’m proud of the team I work with to put the training on. C.I.T. class weeks are my favorite work weeks.
People from the community bring food in for the students to snack on. It is a nice little extra treat for everyone.
A Guy Who Looks Half Horse Half Man
Posted: May 6, 2013 Filed under: short story | Tags: centaur, fiction, half horse half man, humor, postaweek, short story 16 Comments »So there I was, minding my own business, because that’s how things happen. Something did happen, in this case, the arrival of this guy that looked like one of those mythological half horse/half men guys. He looked just like one of those – he had a big head and one of those scraggly chin kind of beards, but no horse body.
I’m pretty sure that he was at least descended from that kind of guy. I’ll get back to him soon. First, I’m going on a short tangent. Read the rest of this entry »
Art Criticism: An Articulate Lion
Posted: May 2, 2013 Filed under: Art Criticism | Tags: art, Art criticism, comedy, humor, Lion, painting, postaweek, tokyo ska paradise orchestra 23 Comments »We all know the lion as “The King Of The Jungle”. The lions might have trademarked that phrase because none of the other animals seem to challenge the issue. Trademark or not, we accept it because we’ve heard it again and again. I’ve always thought it was a pretentious title.
Besides, the jungle holds more than one lion, but there can be only one king. The fact that there are so many “kings” probably contributes to the jungle being a poorly organized place.
And all lions get the “King Of The Jungle” title. It doesn’t matter if it applies to them or not. A lion who lives in a zoo is likely the king of his enclosure, but it would be hard for that cat to argue he has any influence over jungle affairs. It hardly seems fair that a kept lion bears the same title as a working lion.
Today’s art critique has nothing to do with jungle monarchy. It delves into the realm of animal art because it is a painting of a lion. Read the rest of this entry »
I’m Sorry. You Were Right. I Was.
Posted: April 30, 2013 Filed under: Foolishness | Tags: aging, Colonoscopy, colonoscopy prep, comedy, humor, postaweek 27 Comments »Lots of people say it. They’ll say it to my face. I’ve gotten it at work, I’ve heard it at home. My friends have told me.
I’ve denied it. Without exception, every time they’ve said it, I have said it isn’t true. Perhaps I knew it was so. Maybe I just didn’t want to believe it could be true. I denied it. I ignored the pressure within; the pressure that told me it was true.
Perhaps it’s just that it sounds harsh. Even when people laugh while they’re saying it, even when the context is friendly, it sounds harsh. I didn’t want that. It’d be awful if it were true, so it couldn’t be. Read the rest of this entry »
Canada Geese Spread Their Fowl Ways
Posted: April 29, 2013 Filed under: Foolishness | Tags: Canada Goose, comedy, conspiracy, conspiracy theories, humor, Mallard, postaweek 28 Comments »I’ve written of Canada’s big joke on the United States – sending their geese across our border. More recently, I documented an incident where I nearly hit a mallard duck with my car.
A couple of jerks (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Those two topics don’t seem terribly related. If you listed the common elements in those two stories you’d come up with:
- feathers
- webbed feet
- me
Now some of you read that list and see nothing special, no significant relationship. Others read it and see all the elements of a great Saturday night. If you’re in that second group, call me.
After an experience I had the other day, I see the connection between these two blog posts. I’ve uncovered something awful, and I’m not just talking about my writing. Read the rest of this entry »
The Wolf Finds The Sheepdog
Posted: April 26, 2013 Filed under: Getting older | Tags: addiction, aging, life, non fiction, police, policing, postaweek, Sheepdog, wolf 19 Comments »
(Photo credit: Wikipedia public domain)
The Wolf was a block and a half away when I turned toward the coffee shop. There’s a sunny spot on the street where I see him on cool mornings. That’s where he was, sitting on his walker, soaking up a little extra warmth.
I make a point of not driving up to him in a police car when I spot him. Back in the day, me pulling up in a police car was often the start of a bad evening for at least one of us. It just works out better now to let him come around on his own.
When I walked out of the shop with my hot chocolate (with blackberry syrup, trust me on this one) he was out near the driveway. “Good morning, Sarge, God bless you.” I returned the blessing and he turned back toward the street.
I walked toward him. As I got close I spoke quietly – “coming up behind you.” He laughed and asked why I didn’t warn him like that twenty years ago. “You know damned well why I didn’t” I said. He grinned and admitted that he did. Read the rest of this entry »
People that have blurted back