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A Letter From Fidel Castro To Ozzie Guillen

Ozzie Guillen, manager of the Miami Marlins baseball team, landed in hot water this week for saying in an interview that he loved Cuban leader Fidel Castro because “A lot of people have wanted to kill Fidel Castro for the last 60 years, but that mother—— is still here”. The Blurt staff, in partnership with the Central Intelligence Agency, was able to intercept a personal letter from Castro to Guillen and we present it here:

Dear Ozzie,

The Cuban leader Fidel Castro. Español: El líd...

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Thanks so much for your very kind comments about me. I’m really sorry you’re having a tough time of it because of them. It is nice to say complimentary things about others. You’ve got to be smart about what you say though. Ozzie, bless your heart, you aren’t a smart man.

You are so right, a lot of people have tried to kill me for sixty years, but I’m still here. Who wouldn’t love someone who just keeps hanging in there like I have?

Well, many Cuban-Americans tend to be of a mind not to love someone who just keeps hanging in there like me, if in fact the someone being discussed is me. There are a lot of others who don’t like me, but I think you can rely on Cuban-Americans just not digging me or people who say they do.

So there are exceptions to that hanging in/love situation. You’ve got to keep the exception that is me in mind since you live in Miami now. That is really important.

Freedom, Speech And Knowing Your Audience

You see, Oz, I can pretty much say what I want to over here in Cuba. I can do that because, well, that’s sort of the deal over here. I say things, everyone else takes it. I’m the pitcher and the umpire. I always throw strikes. It has been that way for sixty years or so. Read the rest of this entry »

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Sir Topham Hatt Is Miscast

Thomas tank engine day, Bressingham

Thomas, a tank engine who apparently has friends (Image via Wikipedia)

Sometimes, back when my son was little, he’d watch the show Thomas The Tank Engine And Friends. I don’t suppose he is still watching now that he is outside the show’s target audience.

For those of you who’ve never seen it, the show centers around the steam engines on a railroad on an island called Sodor. The trains (and a few other, vehicles) are the only things that move in the stories. People and animals are figurines that remain static. As the engines work around the island and interact with each other they learn about things like manners and being a good friend.

A man called Sir Topham Hatt operates the railroad. Sir Topham Hatt is portrayed as a benevolent manager who patiently directs the activities of the trains. From time to time, he provides gentle verbal reinforcement of the lessons the trains learn. He can play benevolent, but I think he has another side. Read the rest of this entry »


Trump Is Out!

Donald Trump at a press conference announcing ...

You lose, I say good day to you sir. (Image via Wikipedia)

Yesterday, my opponent made it official. He is no longer considering running for President Of The United States.

Let’s face it, for a campaign run by an unknown candidate with no budget and very little staff, things went very well for those of us involved in the Omawarisan campaign. Together, you and I drove a candidate with limitless resources and name recognition from the race for president. It only took one month and one day. I got in the race on April 15th, Trump got out on May 16th. Congratulations and thank you to all of you for this accomplishment.

As expected, he chose not to acknowledge the role of my campaign in his decision to step aside. In a move even more upsetting to me, he chose not to acknowledge the zeal and enthusiasm of my supporters. I think we’re all disappointed by that, but not surprised.

Because he chose not to mention my campaign, I am going to analyze his downfall and expose him for the failure he is.

What Went Right In The Omawarisan Campaign?

I think the thing that put us over the top in this election was the fact that I had a slogan and Donnie boy did not. My slogan…

Omawarisan 2012

He’s Not Nearly The Tool Don Is. Read the rest of this entry »


Boxing Day – How And Why You Should Celebrate It

December 26 marks the most under celebrated holiday in the United States. We all know that Americans are not averse to celebrating holidays, so why is it that so few of us celebrate Boxing Day?

The answer lies in two related concepts – ignorance and corporate sponsorship.

Sponsored Ignorance

calendar, December 2010

Circle it on your calendar. Your calendar, not this one (Image by hichako via Flickr)

I was a boy when I first saw Boxing Day noted on the calendar. I questioned my parents about my discovery but neither could give me any answers. This caused me much stress. I thought my parents knew everything.

Decades later, I have come to understand that my parents do know everything, except about Boxing Day. That exception is because of the conspiracy between the greeting card and sparking wine industries to protect their profits by making Boxing Day a non factor as a holiday. Read the rest of this entry »


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