Last week, I found myself on the horns of a texting dilemma. I didn’t even know text messaging had horns.
It all started when my employer issued me a new cell phone.
Sadly, they did not arrange to transfer all my stored numbers to the new phone. I’ve remedied that gradually by storing numbers as my co-workers call me. This gradual method is the cause of my problem.
After work, I got a text message from a person who works for me. I know that much because of the way they addressed me. This person wanted me to know that they’d had a death in their family. The message told me how sad their family was at the loss and that they’d just learned of the passing of their loved one.
I felt terrible for them.
A long time ago, I used to look in on my son before I left for work. He didn’t take up much space in his big bed. It was nice to see him resting well between his long days in the land of Social Studies, Spelling, Addition and Recess.
It was always moment of peace before I went off to get battered by my day. Read the rest of this entry »
I always have Fig Newtons in the pantry. When I was little, my grandmother used to give them to me when I went downstairs to visit her apartment. I’m almost fifty years old now. I always have Fig Newtons in the pantry.
One day, while my son was home from college, I was having a little snack. I threw a Newton at him, because I think that spontaneous goofiness is a good thing. He caught it, because he knows I’m prone to throwing things. Read the rest of this entry »
Dear Woman in Seat 12-A,
I decided to break my letter to you into two parts. I know that you are very busy slap fighting your son and teaching him to play the pipe organ by showing him You Tube videos. It was just simple consideration for another person’s time that led me to split my thoughts between two letters. You’re familiar with being considerate of others, right? Wait, scratch that last question. I almost forgot who I was talking to.
Just like the last letter, I am going to use this one to suggest some You Tube videos you might want to find and look over. You seem to understand things when they are presented to you in the online video format. Given that I took an elbow in the side of the head during your inflight slap fight with your son, 12-B, I have no qualms about throwing out a few thoughts based on observations I made of your behavior and your son’s. Read the rest of this entry »
Today, here on the internet for all to see, I am going to say something that no parent should ever say about their child: I am going to get him. I am going to even the score with him. There will be no escape from my revenge.
Now that I have lobbed that out there, let me move on to explain myself.
Being A Parent Is Dirty Work
No one who is realistic about raising a child goes into it thinking their life is going to be spent in a happy, well rested bliss that smells like baby powder. That realistic thought is brought into greater focus when parents bring a baby home. They find themselves thrown up on and grinding dropped Cheerios into the carpet. Changing diapers is no picnic, especially for parents of little boys who forget to protect themselves from friendly fire.
I’m no different than any one else in my shoes. I dealt with those things with a smile. I even restrained myself from yelling out when I stepped on a stray Lego in the dark. As painful as anyone who has done it will tell you stepping on a Lego is, that is not the cause for me seeking retribution. Read the rest of this entry »
There was a time when I really wasn’t putting the effort into school that I ought to have been. My parents never gave up on getting me to bring that effort forth. They kept trying until they found the right combination of words and action that would get me started on the path to being the productive, mortgage paying adult that I am.
Living in North Carolina in the summer is pretty nice, if you are in the western mountains or on the beaches to the east. If you’re in the middle, like I am, living in North Carolina is like living on the surface of the Sun. It is like living on the surface of the Sun, minus the view. It is kind of hot.
One day last week, the owner of a pizza place near my house sent one of his employees outside to promote that hot dogs were now on his menu. The employee had on a hot dog costume. There was a hole in the hot dog that allowed the face of the person wearing the costume to be the only part of him that was visible. Read the rest of this entry »
Since the day after Thomas Edison perfected the light bulb, depicting a person with a light bulb over their head has been understood as a shorthand way of showing that person had a good idea.
In fact, the day after Edison invented the bulb, his publicist wrote a press release that very few people actually read. The release had a cover photo of the great inventor with a light bulb over his head. People intuitively knew what was in the release from looking at the picture. As a result, most who saw the document never bothered to go past the cover. Read the rest of this entry »
Typically, during the college years, young women and men leave their parents home to pursue their education. My folks and I chose the opposite course. While I was in college, my parents left home. This is not news to me, since I was part of that equation. It has just come to mind in the course of talking with my mom and dad about my son’s impending move into a university dormitory a few hours from home.
During my sophomore year at the University Of Maryland, my parents followed a moving truck out of town, leaving their nineteen year old son in their now sparsely furnished five bedroom home. I had strict instructions on how to maintain the house because they were eager to sell it to stop paying mortgages both on their new house in North Carolina and the house they were leaving me in. In the end, it took a year and a half to sell the house.
I’m writing to admit that there is the possibility that some of my actions might have delayed the sale of the house.
Yes, a Luau. In Maryland, in the winter. Why not? Read the rest of this entry »