Several interns were sitting around the Blurt offices last week. They were obviously lounging around, waiting to go back to school after a busy summer of vacuuming the office and making me smoothies. Their lack of initiative bothered me. No one had a smoothie ready for me.
Fortunately, a request had just come in for me to bring back the interview series. It was just what I needed to shake them up. “Get me an interview with Mothman. If I’m not talking with him by the end of the day you people will never work in this business again.” By 3:30 two of the interns, Four Eyes and No Neck, had a banana smoothie on my desk and Mothman on Skype. I thanked them, shooed them out of my office, then called them back and told them to fire all the other interns. I booted them out again and turned my attention to the interview.
Omawarisan – Mothman, thanks for agreeing to do the interview. I know that you don’t often do this sort of thing. I’ve read that you’re seven feet tall, with red eyes and folding wings. But then one person also said you “weren’t particularly moth like”. How do you explain this?
Mothman – Glad to be here, Omawarisan. I guess when you put the wings aside I am not really much like a moth. People have taken my last name and sort of run with it.
O – Your last name? Read the rest of this entry »
The Interview Staff here at the Blurt office suite took most of the summer off. This was a little unusual given that they are almost all interns. Now that college is back in session, they’ve lined up my first interview in months. The paid staff has mentioned that they thought we were not getting the top of the heap interns from the universities. The fact that they’re working for me after the semester has started may explain the low average GPA in that group.
This month, The Interview Staff lined up an interview with another legendary creature, Each Uisge. Each Uisge is, according to Wikipedia, a supernatural water horse from Scotland that is “the most dangerous water-dwelling creature in the British Isles”. My staff was not able to locate the official ranking of dangerous water-dwelling creatures in the British Isles, but if that happens, I’m feeling good about the possibility of finding Each Uisge on the top. Read the rest of this entry »
The coming of summer brings the return of interns to the spacious Blurt office suite. The staff looks forward to the arrival of the interns. It frees them up to do what they believe they were hired to do instead of things they consider less important, like going out to get me a meatball parmesan sub.
Some of the paid staff now have too much time on their hands. One made it past my receptionist and reminded me that I’d neglected the interview series recently. I was about to fire him, but then he mentioned he’d arranged for me to interview Nobusuma, a legendary creature. I thanked him for his dedication, then sent him out to have my car inspected.
Nobusuma is, as mentioned, from Japan. My net research says that Nobusuma is either a supernatural wall or a giant flying squirrel. We spoke via web cam, through an interpreter. Read the rest of this entry »
Advocacy groups contacted Blurt Headquarters to point out that, while I’ve talked to a creature that lives in the water in my interview series, I have not yet gotten together for a talk with a true fish.
I never really knew fish had an advocacy group. I tried pointing out that they had bigger fish to fry than dealing with a perceived slight from my little blog. I brought up the whole thing about people throwing food into the water with hooks in it, then dragging fish out by the face. They didn’t seem to want to talk about that. Maybe the bigger fish to fry opening baited their anger with me just a bit. Read the rest of this entry »
A few months ago, the Blurt staff arranged for me to interview a legendary creature from the area of Maryland where I grew up. This month, they set up my interview with a creature that lives in a lake a stone’s throw from my house. This interview is with the Lake Norman Monster.
Before I go on, I’ve got to be truthful. Lake Norman is more than a stone’s throw from my house. The lake is approximately 400 stone’s throws from the spacious el rancho Omawarisan. Living on the lake costs, big time. Read the rest of this entry »
This month’s interview takes us to Australia. We’ll be sharing a discussion with one of that nation’s legendary Drop Bears.
Extensive research by the Blurt staff reveals that the Drop Bear lives in Gum Trees. Gum is Australian for eucalyptus, just as vegemite is Australian for food. These bears are a type of koala which has come to feed on humans. They strike down their prey by dropping down from the eucalyptus without warning, landing on the unsuspecting person’s head. The blow knocks their quarry unconscious, enabling the Drop Bear to kill them with its sharp claws. Read the rest of this entry »
Since I began interviewing the legendary creatures of the world, one name kept coming up from readers as the one they wanted to hear from – Chupacabra.
My staff tried to arrange an interview with Chupacabra, also known as The Goat Sucker, last month. Unfortunately, The Goat Sucker had other commitments. This month, Chupacabra kept his word and got in touch with me to talk. His mood was up beat when we spoke. I found him really easy to talk to. Read the rest of this entry »
I put the Blurt staff on the task of locating this month’s interview subject early. I thought I’d go for one of the superstars like Bigfoot or Chupacabra.
One of the interns was assigned to call Bigfoot. I probably should have used paid staff for that, it didn’t really work out as the kids first assignment. Chupacabra was a little easier to contact. He said he wanted to do it but had to put me off for other commitments. Read the rest of this entry »