The Policies Of My Administration: Here We Grow Again
Posted: September 21, 2012 Filed under: The policies of my administration | Tags: bad ideas, comedy, humor, implosion, postaweek, Signage, Word play, writing 27 Comments »Long ago, a business person decided to expand the building he operated from. Concerned that construction equipment in the parking lot would make customers think he’d closed the business during remodeling, he put out a sign. The sign said “Here We Grow Again! Open During Construction”.
I don’t like quotation mark abuse either. (image via liverightnowonline.com)
His partner arrived shortly after the sign was hung. She said “Ha, I see what you did. Play on words. Yes.” The words carried no hint of enthusiasm, but they were enough. Since that day, entrepreneurs have put out that clever “here we grow again” sign when they expand or for new construction.
My Administration Will Value Words
Words are tools that convey messages of importance and humor. Sometimes, humor joins with importance to help both be more effective. The humor/importance interface is what the “grow again” crowd is aiming for. Because they don’t effectively use the tools we call words, they never hit the mark they’re aiming for. Read the rest of this entry »
I’ll Just Have to Try and Make Do
Posted: September 8, 2012 Filed under: Foolishness, Guest Post | Tags: bad ideas, blogging, humor 23 Comments »Laura ventured into the back room of Blurt to help keep Guest Blog Week going with this post. As everyone who has guest posted this week has seen, there are things back there that are hard to explain. Things like why so many people find my blog while searching for nude pictures of Flo from Progressive insurance.
Speaking of explanation, stop by Unlikely Explanations for more Laura.
Guest-blogging is hard.
At home, I’ve settled into a comfortable writing routine. I stroll into the Unlikely Explanations blogging parlour, pour myself a glass of red wine, set it on the table next to the vase of freshly cut flowers, pick up a stack of blank perfumed stationery and my BIC Crystal For Her Ball Pen, sit down on the fainting couch, and write my first draft. Before I know it, I’ve got a few decent paragraphs about some food I like, or a popular romance novel, or my cats.
Things are completely different here at the Blurt Blogging Cave. There’s no wine, just a cooler full of beer. Instead of flowers, there are auto parts, tools, and sports equipment everywhere. And there’s no perfumed stationery or fancy lady pens; I have to make do with lined notebook paper and one of those really heavy, unwieldy regular pens. Read the rest of this entry »
An analysis of the Joran Van der Sloot Perp Walk
Posted: September 1, 2011 Filed under: Foolishness | Tags: arrest, bad ideas, cbs news, comedy, current events, humor, Joran, joran van der sloot, murder, news, perp walk, peru, press conference, raw footage, video, you tube 29 Comments »
Image via Wikipedia
Over a year ago I wrote this analysis of the handling of Joran Van der Sloot’s perp walk. In summary, I thought the Peruvians did some great work here. The news tonight is that Van der Sloot has formally been charged with murder. It seemed a good time to resurrect this post. Enjoy.
In the midst of all the frenzy of Joran Van der Sloot’s latest arrest for murder, there is a group who deserves great praise. While all the attention is focused on the accused, until now, no one has given the Peruvian authorities credit for the best perp walk, ever.
To recognize the greatness of what the Peruvians did with this weasel you really need to consider it in sections and examine each bit of footage. As a public service, I am here to break down the video of this event, moment by moment. First, for your review, the video:
Now, let’s go through it together by the second. I’ll give you start and end points so you can follow along carefully and perhaps add in your own observations. I’m also going to grade the event on a 100 point scale.
00:00 – 00:15 : Joran has arrived in a lovely green jeep vehicle. He is sitting in the back seat, between two police escorts. The police have opened the windows to facilitate photography. It looks like the crowd is delivering words of encouragement of some sort to the murderer Joran.
Ten points off for the weird colored jeep. Read the rest of this entry »
Lessons Learned On Vacation: Sometimes It’s What You Don’t See
Posted: July 8, 2011 Filed under: bad ideas | Tags: accidents, amputation, bad choices, bad ideas, Butcher, food, humor, outer banks, postaweek2011, restaurant, Restaurants and Bars, television, tourism, travel, vacation 40 Comments »
It was so rainy, the tourist infomercial channel seemed like a good idea (Image via Wikipedia)
Sometimes it is the little things that matter. Appearances aren’t the most important thing, but sometimes they make a difference. Attention to detail can be critical.
I had a little rainy day time to kill on vacation and was watching one of those cable channels that exists to draw tourists to restaurants and attractions in the area. There was a show on about restaurants. The best way I can describe the show is that it was a series of five-minute infomercials about places to eat.
One of the ads featured what seemed to be a very nice establishment. The ad started with an interview with the owner, who gushed about his menu and his staff. A little feature on the head waitress was next, followed by the owner talking about how good it was that he had his own butcher on staff at the restaurant.
Lefty, Come Out And Say Hello To Everyone
The butcher seemed like a nice old guy. He said he had been working for the restaurant for over twenty years. The video portion of the interview switched to some shots of Mr. Butcher at work, cutting and aging steaks while the audio talked about how having an in-house butcher benefitted the dining experience. The segment ended with a shot of the butcher holding up a freshly cut steak for the viewer to see. Read the rest of this entry »
Irony, With Mustard and Kraut
Posted: June 18, 2011 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: American Heart Association, bad choices, bad ideas, charity, comedy, food, heart disease, hot dog, humor, irony, postaweek2011 41 Comments »I wrote about this event over a year ago, but today I ran across it again and thought it needed to be documented further. Today was the second annual Hot Dog Sale to benefit the American Heart Association.
The cured meats have always been friends of the heart, haven’t they?
The Hot Dog Sale For Heart Disease
Yes, Hot Dogs for Heart Disease. Someone thought that was a good idea. Twice. Someone failed to see the irony in this. Twice. Read the rest of this entry »
Keep Your Distance From My Client’s Luggage
Posted: June 6, 2011 Filed under: Foolishness | Tags: bad choices, bad ideas, Bodyguard, celebrities, comedy, current events, George Bush Intercontinental Airport, Houston, humor, labelle assault video, luggage, music, Patti LaBelle, postaweek2011, video, you tube 44 Comments »
She's alive? I wouldn't have bet on it (Image via Wikipedia)
I saw on the news this weekend that singer Patti LaBelle stands accused of ordering her bodyguards to attack a man who got too close to her luggage at the Houston, Texas airport. I’ve done some thinking about what I’ve read, and I’m going to take today’s post to speak directly to Ms. LaBelle about the predicament she finds herself in.
Ms. LaBelle, my name is Omawarisan. I know that you’re in a tough spot vis-à-vis your legal situation. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I can help you. I am experienced in designing defenses for people in tight spots. You may recall my advocacy on behalf of flight attendant Steven Slater…or maybe you don’t. Whichever is the case, I stand prepared to help you out of your situation with a defense that no “lawyer” can or will put on in your behalf.
Let’s start with a review of your situation as it is reported.
This Does Not Look Good For You
Ma’am, according to my source, you’re accused of having your bodyguards attack a man you felt was standing too close to your luggage. This does not look good for you. Most people don’t have anyone they can direct to administer beatings for heinous acts like people being proximate to their luggage. Perhaps that is a common thing for people with bodyguards to do. The thing is, there aren’t going to be a lot of people on the jury who have bodyguards. Read the rest of this entry »
I pity Hallmark.
Posted: May 6, 2011 Filed under: Foolishness | Tags: bad ideas, celebrities, comedy, family, Flower, Hallmark Cards, humor, mothers day, Mr T, postaweek2011, quotes, you tube 23 Comments »When you put down one mother, you’re putting down mothers all over the world. Mr. T.
Even Mr. T. dresses for Mothers Day. Look, an entire shirt. (Image via Wikipedia)
Sunday is Mother’s Day. Has Mom ever asked for anything more than for you to be good? I’ll be fifty this year, that’s still what mine asks for. Perhaps one year I ought to try it, but maybe not this year.
Is just being good enough? I don’t think so. I’m guessing you don’t either.
Every year brings a never-ending battle to find the right gift, the right sentiment on Mothers Day. Let’s face it, there’s no way to give or say enough to the woman who can’t give enough, is there? Read the rest of this entry »
The Policies Of My Administration: Fanny Packs
Posted: May 5, 2011 Filed under: Foolishness, The policies of my administration | Tags: bad ideas, Clif Bar, comedy, Fanny pack, fashion, humor, miscellaneous, policies of my administration, postaweek2011 46 Comments »
No. (Image by hallenberg via Flickr)
It has been a while since I have announced a new policy of my administration.
This is not because my staff has not been busy preparing for my eventual take over. I think we all know that I take the responsibility of controlling the earth very seriously. I drive my staff to make sure the correct policies are in place on the important issues before I start running the show. I’m very proud of how they have put my thoughts into policy; I think you’ll see why I will be giving them the weekend off as a reward.
This month’s policy concerns the very touchy issue of the bags commonly known as fanny packs. Read the rest of this entry »
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