My Soap Opera

I’ve never been a soap opera fan. There might be a reason for that.

Perhaps I don’t like them because my nap time fell during my mother’s favorite shows when I was a kid. Even toddler me found it a strange coincidence that my biological for a nap started just before Days Of Our Lives started and ended when the credits rolled on The Doctors. Or it could be that I am no more the target audience for soaps now than when I was a tot.

God, I hated nap time (image public domain)

Every Girl Crazy ‘Bout A Sharp Dressed Man

When I go to the gym in the afternoon, I can count on a few things being on the array of televisions in front of the elliptical machines – a cop show, the Kardashians, news, ESPN, and a soap opera. I always exercise in front of the television showing the sports channel but, from the corner of my eye, I can’t help seeing what’s going on in the soaps.

In the past few weeks, out of the soap opera corner of my eye, I’ve seen: Read the rest of this entry »

What I Learned From New Year’s Eve

For a long time, I didn’t do New Year’s Eve. I was either working or had to be at the office by 5 a.m. on New Year’s Day.

I was on call too. Remember Y2K? So do I. I was expected in the office early on January 1, but was on call overnight for four additional assignments that I had in case the dreaded Y2K bug hit and the world came to a stop. My employer called four times, once for each extra job, to wake me and tell me I was no longer on call but was still expected at 5 a.m..

Times Have Changed

Y’know this looks like no fun. Where do they all pee? (image by Rob Boudon, CCbySA2.0)

I don’t have a long, positive history with New Year’s Eve. But now things are different. I don’t have an office to show up at on January 1; I can stay up late and I’m not on call for anything at all.

This year, my wife and I waited to see the ball drop in Times Square with good friends in their living room. It was a great time and a learning experience. Read the rest of this entry »

An Odd Place To Buy A Christmas Tree

Today, my recycling program takes you back to another old Christmas themed post. I wrote this one back in 2010.

I think you’ll enjoy this one. It has all the elements of a really good holiday time – ice cream, hair salons, Christmas trees, a leopard and death.

Click here to learn about the oddest Christmas tree lot, ever.

The Gavle Goat Is Still Standing, So Far

Christmas week is kind of slow on the blog. People seem distracted from their usual overwhelming desire to read my silliness. So, I’m recycling some old material in this week’s posts and will focus on writing fresh stuff for next week.*

I’m opposed to arson, but how do you not burn this down? (image by Tomiwoj, CCbySA3.0)

Today’s recycled bit is about one of my favorite Christmas traditions, The Gavle Goat.

Every year, in Gavle, Sweden, they build a giant goat out of straw. And almost every year the goat gets burned down. Last year it burned on December 21. As of the time I’m posting this, the goat has not gone up in flames. I think the goat is on borrowed time. Read the rest of this entry »

Can You Slip On A Banana Peel?

This afternoon, I embarrassed myself. If you’re thinking that is probably hard to do, you’re right. The sad part is, I didn’t do anything that was noticeable. It was just a thought; maybe a subtle action, but nothing more than that.

Banana Peels = Danger

If I put these on the bottom of my shoes, could I ice skate anywhere, even in the summer? (image public domain)

I drove to my gym and pulled in to a parking space. After gathering my things, I opened my car door to hop out. Two banana peels were on the ground next to my car. It looked as if someone before me had arrived at the gym, gobbled two bananas, dropped the peels out of their window and then went in to exercise.

As I stepped out, I thought “don’t step on those, you’ll slip and fall”.

Now, we all know that the proper thing to do in this situation is to ask yourself, or any person within earshot, “what kind of slob does something like that?”. Not me, I’m concerned with self-preservation. I don’t want to fall on my backside. Read the rest of this entry »

How Much Does It Cost To Thaw A Toilet?

Last week, I explained how I managed to prevent a plumbing disaster in our home by gradually thawing a toilet bowl in our home which had become frozen. I also admitted that the toilet was frozen because I thought it would be funny to see my wife’s reaction to my putting dry ice in the bowl.

A toilet, but not the scene of this crime.(image by usein CCbySA3.0)

A catastrophe was averted that day because of my patient and heroic effort. I managed to thaw the ice before it damaged our plumbing. End of story, or so I thought.

Meet Ted Luby

The next morning was routine. I got a few things done, had lunch and headed to the gym. As I started my time on the treadmill, my phone rang. The number on the screen wasn’t one I recognized so I just kept the treadmill moving; the caller left a message. After a few minutes, curiosity got the best of me and I listened to the message. It wasn’t good. Read the rest of this entry »

How To Thaw Your Toilet

I don’t know, but I’m guessing that the obvious question you have upon reading the title of this post would be “why is my toilet frozen?” Well, I don’t know why yours is frozen. I can only account for how I froze mine, and I’ll do that before I explain how I thawed it.

This is not the toilet that we will be discussing today (public domain image)

The root of this whole situation is that I have a problem. Some people have a gambling issue, others abuse drugs. I have a joke problem. I love practical jokes and pranks, perhaps too much. If there were a twelve step program for this sort of thing, I’d probably be in recovery.

But there isn’t and I’m not in recovery.

It Might Be That I Have A Problem

Before I retired, I pulled my pranks at the office. With one hundred police officers in the division where I worked, I had plenty of targets who took my sense of humor well. Over the course of my career, I rigged desks, computers and cars. I caused a Japanese beetle swarm and redecorated my captain’s office.

Then my career reached its end. Before I left, I wondered what it would be like to walk away from my helping profession. It turns out, that’s been an adjustment. I miss looking after people.

And I miss having so many folks to pull my little stunts on. I imagine my wife wishes that I had a few more targets too; especially tonight. Read the rest of this entry »


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