It’s been a little tough to get my writing done the past few weeks. Unfortunately, I had to go on vacation with my wife and a lot of my other friends. And of course, I picked up a cold as a souvenir. Then I had to have surgery.
To clarify, I did not have surgery to cure the cold. Everyone knows you starve and/or feed a cold. I had to have surgery to repair a hernia.
Yeah, somehow I ended up with a hernia. Two, in fact. See?! Writing is hard work.
I Got A Hernia From Writing, But Anyhow…
I’m a nice guy. There are people who would take issue with that. This isn’t their website, so you’ll have to take my word for it. I am nice.
I also believe that medical folks, especially nurses, are special people worthy of exceptional respect. And it is important to be kind to people who are going to sedate you and poke you with sharp stuff. So when I went to the hospital yesterday for surgery, I was very nice to everyone. Read the rest of this entry »
I like dogs.
That’s not really controversial. But in today’s world, if you’re going to say something about an individual who is a member of a group, you must establish that you’re not speaking of the group, lest you offend. Dogs are wonderful. They are our friends, protectors, co-workers and companions. They ask for nothing in return but friendship and some of whatever you’re eating. No, really, whatever you’re eating is fine, just ask them.
So yeah, I like dogs. And I like how revel in having their heads out of the window when they ride in a car. I’ve considered trying that, if only to understand the attraction. Unfortunately, I’m certain that I’d get distracted and hit my head on a stop sign. Nothing good would come from that.
Now That The Disclaimer Is Done
The other day, I was running around town, enjoying the fall weather with the top down on my car. Someone ahead stopped to make a turn and I found myself in a small pack of traffic. In the back seat of the car ahead of me was a dog.
As we accelerated, the dog’s head popped through the open window. His ears flopped in the wind. He barked at cars in the oncoming lane. He didn’t miss any; each car got its own bark. Read the rest of this entry »
So, I got all ragey about people predicting the end of the world for their gain and vented that rage. Click on over to Long Awkward Pause to see how I’m going to solve this problem.
If you’re reading this, the world didn’t end on Wednesday, as predicted. As worlds go, I guess ours is sort of unreliable that way. All the signs supposedly point to its imminent destruction and then, boom…the world doesn’t go boom.
How unreliable is our unpredictable world? People have been incorrectly predicting the end since 68 A.D.. It has failed to end as predicted thirty-two times in this century.
The bulk of those making predictions are best categorized as religious zealots. Actually, they’re best categorized as religious nuts, but that term gives nuts a bad name.
And yet time after time, when these people make their predictions they get press. And a certain part of the population does whatever one does to prepare for the end of the world. You might think there’s no harm in these predictions, but I think…
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Recently, my wife and I were walking between stores in a shopping center and saw one of those little children’s ride machines you often see outside of stores. Instead of being shaped like a horse, a motorcycle or an airplane, this one appeared to be modeled after the main character of the children’s television series Thomas and Friends – Thomas, The Tank Engine.
If you’re familiar with Thomas, you’ll note that this train doesn’t look as cheery as the original. In fact, I’d say that this train has some significant attitude problems. There’s no way I’d put my son on this train, and not just because he’s twenty-three years old.
I stopped to take a picture. Mrs. Omawarisan said “you’re writing about that, aren’t you?”
Yup. I had to write to get the words “Thomas, The Resentful Tank Engine” out of my head. And you’re about to read why I don’t often do fiction…
People say I’m not myself before I get some caffeine. I knew it was a mistake to stop for coffee; I was already running late. But if there was ever a day that I needed to be myself, this was it. I took the chance, grabbed a cup and made it to the train just in time.
Looking back, I wish I’d missed that train. The doors slammed shut just after I stepped aboard and the train darted forward without warning. I wasn’t the only passenger jolted off-balance by the sudden start, but I was the only one who was wearing half of a pumpkin spice latte when he stood back up. Read the rest of this entry »
After my last post, I decided that I was going to leave the pumpkin thing alone for this year. The CBS story ran, my friends and family got a kick out of it. But the topic? Yes I was done with it. I’d milked it for all it is worth until next pumpkin season.
I even had something written to put here this morning. But because of what I’m telling you about, I’m rescheduling my post entitled Thomas, The Resentful Tank Engine until Monday.
Yeah, I Made The Daily Show. Bam.
So today, I was going about my morning routine. In the midst of it, I took a moment and peeked at Facebook. In that random way that Facebook does, the first thing on my news feed was a message to my now twenty-three year old son from his middle school band director.
“I just saw your Dad on The Daily Show!”
My first thought was that she’d just seen the CBS This Morning interview. But then I considered the source. This is an educated, bright woman who I admire. Certainly she knows the difference between CBS This Morning and The Daily Show. And not surprisingly, she does.
There I was, cut in to a really funny swipe at the pumpkin thing on The Daily Show! I’ll pause and wait while you click here to go over to the Comedy Central site and see the story.
So, yeah, that happened and I never saw it coming…but I love it!
The way I found out about this Daily Show thing, second-hand, through my son’s middle school band director got me to thinking. The people who read my blog knew the original CBS story was running and I tried to let my friends and family know as well. But none of us knew The Daily Show was coming. Read the rest of this entry »
For several years, I have railed against the endless surge of that seasonal decoration, pumpkin, into our food supply. And though some of you have made your support clear, I imagine that you’d understand how I felt I was sort of pissing into the wind.
Let’s pause here and wonder about why “pissing into the wind” is an expression. Sure, it expresses the misery of an effort expended with frustrating results. But I think we can do better than that as a reference. In fact, I think less of someone who would lower himself to saying that phrase. We’ll end the pause here, before either of us consider that last sentence.
My Friend John, Bearer Of Bad News
So here I am, tossing my little anti-pumpkin bits up on my small-time humor blog year after year. And year after year pumpkin is appearing in more foods where it doesn’t belong. A great friend told me that pumpkin spaghetti sauce is on the market. I was horrified. My first reaction was “how dare you, sir”. And then I thought “don’t kill this messenger, he’s your friend”. Read the rest of this entry »