How I Mastered Chopsticks

I posed for this drawing. (image public domain)

I’ve told this you before – I don’t believe in bragging. That’s one of the cool things about me.

I passed this idea on to my son. Not the idea that I’m cool, but that bragging isn’t. He lives by a code that says that it is better to show people what he can do instead of telling them. He’s a wise man.

Unfortunately, there are some things that I do well that don’t lend themselves to showing you here. Because of that, I’ve had to tell you that I am the King Of Parallel Parking and that I am exceptionally good at peeling oranges. I’m going to have to go against my principles and brag to you about something else I’m good at.

I Can Feed Myself In Asian Rim Countries

Chopsticks. Not the piano tune called chopsticks; I’m talking about the eating utensils common to east Asian countries. I am really good at using chopsticks.

There was a time in my life that I couldn’t say that I was adept with chopsticks. If I wanted to finish eating dinner before breakfast, I had to have a fork. A fork or perhaps a knife to sharpen my chopsticks into tools that I understood how to use. My fingers just couldn’t make the sticks work. Read the rest of this entry »


Guy Fieri, Please Stop

I love cooking shows on television. Amongst my favorites is Diners, Drive-ins and Dives. Unfortunately, my love for learning about cool places to eat comes at a cost. I have to put up with Guy Fieri.

Before I make fun of Mr. Fieri, I should be fair. When I first watched the show, I sort of enjoyed the way he portrayed himself. It seemed that he didn’t take himself or what he was doing too seriously. Anyone who makes it clear that they know as well as the rest of us that they are not saving the world is OK by me. But I do have a problem with the man.

Fieri, at a restaurant called Dish, in Charlotte, NC. I’ve been there a lot. No one took pictures, but the food is amazing. Go there. (image via eatatdish.com)

Guy Fieri has done the Guy Fieri act so many times that he is becoming a cartoon of himself. Yes, there are only so many ways to take a bite of food and say that it is really good. But I can’t take another declaration that someone’s grilled cheese is “the bomb” or that the ribs at a particular restaurant are “off the hook”. Read the rest of this entry »


An Open Letter To My Cat

Dear Cat,

You’ve been living with us for a few months. As you may know, this is the only time I’ve ever lived with a cat. The closest that I came to living with a cat before my wife and I adopted you was when I dated a girl who owned a cat when I was in college. Even though I didn’t live with that cat, he somehow found the opportunity and motivation to urinate on me.

Now, to be fair, that cat and I never really saw eye to eye. I get along with most people and animals. But as I think about those with whom I’ve shared a mutual dislike, I have to say that was the only situation where urine came in to play. That didn’t bode well for you and I getting along. Read the rest of this entry »


Your One Direction Questions Answered

omawarisan:

Once, the world was predictable and safe. But now we know that one of the members of the band One Direction has left the group.

Now, questions abound. How will we go forward from here? Why did this happen?

Join me at Long Awkward Pause as I answer all your questions about a group I know nothing about and a future I no longer understand.

Originally posted on Long Awkward Pause:

The world was knocked a little off its axis this week by the news that Zayn Malik has left the British boy band, One Direction.

(public domain)

I’m sure we all know where we were and what we said when we heard the news. I remember it like it was yesterday, which it was. I was on my couch, read about it on Google News and said “who?”

But anything involving One Direction affects everyone. Even someone like me, who didn’t know that Zayn was a name, knows that the world is not the same today as it was before he left the band. It is at times like these that the world needs answers.

I am here to give the world the One Direction answers it so desperately needs. For the next several days or weeks – for as long as it takes to get the planet through the…

View original 206 more words


A Better Way To Board Airliners

Whenever I travel, I can’t help but notice the different ways that airlines load passengers on their planes.

That first sentence isn’t really true. Whenever I travel by plane, I can’t help but notice the different ways that airlines load passengers on their planes.When I drive to my destination, I’m indifferent to anything the airlines do.

Back then, airlines weren’t good at boarding passengers. Some things never change. (image by Bill Larkin CCbySA2.0)

But the ways airlines have us board flights are nearly universally consistent in two respects – they’re inefficient and dull.

It seems to me that lining people up in the order in which they’ll be sitting, from the back of the plane to the front, and then sending that line on to the aircraft would get passengers aboard in the fastest way possible. Any flyer who boards a flight out-of-order, thus gumming up the process for those behind them, would be subject to verbal abuse by flight attendants and fellow travelers. Read the rest of this entry »


Everyone Fits Somewhere. We All Fit At The Deli.

It was a busy day. I spent the morning running writing and running errands. Hitting everything on my to do list felt great. I’d finished the list, except for the thing on it that I’d been looking forward to – lunch.

As I drove, I considered my options. Pizza was a possibility. Some really spicy Thai food would’ve hit the spot. I hadn’t had Chinese food for days. There was a great burger joint close by. And then I decided to try something completely different.

One Of These Things Is Not Like The Others

To be fair, the food was good, but maybe not this good. (image public domain)

Not far from our house, there is a little local deli that I’ve never been in. The place is in an older, interesting looking building that I’ve wanted to get a look at. It always looks busy at lunch. I took that as a good sign and gave the joint a shot. Read the rest of this entry »


The Finest Blueberry Pie There Is

Some who read my blog know my friend, John. I think those who do know him would agree on this point – we’re sad for those who don’t.

All of us agree that he is someone everyone should know, but disagree on why. Some would point out that John talks with a funny accent and that makes him wicked fun to listen to. And that would be right. Who talks like that, y’all? No one.

Others might point out his fabulous wife as a reason to know him, and I’d agree there. You could also mention his noble profession, his fine sons, his charitable deeds or his taste in music. Read the rest of this entry »


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