You Don’t Know How I Feel – All About Windchill


Today’s masterpiece is ripped from today’s headlines.
Wind chill. “Feels like” temperatures. Are you going to let that yutz that does the weather on the local news tell you how you feel? No!
Rise up against the weatherman telling you how you feel. Click on through to Long Awkward Pause for more weather related rage.

Originally posted on Long Awkward Pause:

Wind chill, blows. (image public domain)

‘Tis the season. Not that season, it is the season of cold weather and colder weather.

Back in the day, there was only cold. There was a thermometer outside. The lower the temperature on that gauge, the more clothes you put on. If the trees were moving it was a cue to put another layer on to account for how the wind made you feel.

Not Anymore

That was then. This is now.

Now the local television news runs for at least two hours and the weather man has a lot of time to fill. And then there’s the internet and a round-the-clock television channel devoted to weather. Now even winter storms have names and their own specially designed ominous theme songs.

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An Odd Place To Buy A Christmas Tree

Today, my recycling program takes you back to another old Christmas themed post. I wrote this one back in 2010.

I think you’ll enjoy this one. It has all the elements of a really good holiday time – ice cream, hair salons, Christmas trees, a leopard and death.

Click here to learn about the oddest Christmas tree lot, ever.

Just In Time For Christmas – The Burt Reynolds Auction


A few days ago, some big news broke for all you Burt Reynolds fans. Read all about it in my post over at Long Awkward Pause. Click on View Original below to get the whole thing.

Originally posted on Long Awkward Pause:

Burt Reynolds.

Remember him? The well-known actor with 178 film and television credits? You’d think that a guy who scored big roles in such classics as W.W. and the Dixie Dance Kings, Smokey and the Bandit, Deliverance and Striptease would be squared away as far as cash flow.

Apparently not.

Not for sale – Burt Reynolds’ hair gel and Loni Anderson. Anything else, make an offer. (photo by Alan Light CCby2.0)

Burt is facing foreclosure on his house. His ranch was sold during a bankruptcy. The man needs to come up with some quick cash, so he’s doing what a lot of other people who were never in Frankenstein and Me would do. He’s having a yard sale. Except when you’re Frankenstein and Me big, you don’t have a yard sale, you auction your yard sale stuff.

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The Best Money I Ever Spent Smiles Back


On my way to Raleigh. Tomorrow is my son’s Senior Day performance with the NC State Marching Band, his last show in front of the home crowd.

It’s been a long time since he got his first horn in middle school. Here is a piece I wrote about that horn during his freshman year at college (you’ll have to hit “view original” below to see the whole thing) . It’s been a great ride.

And it turns out that rent-to-own isn’t always a sucker’s bet. Usually, but not always.

Originally posted on Blurt:

bass clef

Image by matt_in_a_field via Flickr

The Best Money I Ever Spent sits quietly in a black hardshell case in a closet.

In the right hands, it can be assembled and ready to go in moments. It is quiet and dark in the case. When those hands open the case and carry it into the light, it sings again. I’ve smiled anytime The Best Money I Ever Spent sang a note.

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A Bar Joke That Nearly Was


Today’s work is over at Long Awkward Pause. Go on over for the sad tale of the joke that nearly was.

Originally posted on Long Awkward Pause:

I have had a goal for a long time. It hasn’t been my only goal. I’m working toward other important goals, like owning a blimp and having my own mariachi band. What I’m talking about is my most important goal.

A guy walks in to a bar. Five bartenders ask if they can help him. I don’t have a punch line. (image public domain)

I want to be part of a bar joke.

You know the jokes I’m talking about, right? Someone, or a group, walks in to a bar and the joke lies in their interaction with the bartender. For example: A guy walks in to a bar. He’s carrying jumper cables. The bartender says “you can stay as long as you don’t start anything”.

On Friday night, I was close. So stinkin’ close.

The Joke Sets Itself Up

My wife and I went to our favorite Italian…

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Yeah, I’m on vacation, but I wrote

I did write.

To be honest, I rewrote a favorite post of mine.

It is posted over at Long Awkward Pause. I can prove it, look –

I’m still here and will be writing more next week on a real keyboard.

Who loves you, babies?

Pistorius, The Soap Opera


So, one of the other places I write (except when I forget it is my turn) is a site called The Nudge Wink Report. I remembered this month, this one is about the Oscar Pistorius trial.

Originally posted on The Nudge Wink Report:

The long legal soap opera known as the Oscar Pistorius trial finally ended this week.

You know, if it were anyone else, I’d never make this joke. (original cartoon by Sam Gross, National Lampoon 1970)

The Pistorius show is the second most significant contribution that South Africa has made to the cultures of other nations. For those who are curious, that nation’s third most significant contribution is the vuvuzela and the greatest contribution is Ladysmith Black Mombazo’s singing on Paul Simon’s Graceland album.

The lead character, Pistorius, was a legless paralympic athlete (nicknamed “The Blade Runner” because of his metallic artificial legs) who shot his live in girlfriend through their bathroom door in the show’s first episode. His reason for the shooting was never clear. The producers left it an open question. Fans argued over which of the theories presented during the show were the motive – domestic violence or…

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