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Four Hot Rumors About iPhone 6


Haven’t stopped writing, just busy with some stuff around the spacious estate. Here’s something I’ve got up on Long Awkward Pause

Originally posted on Long Awkward Pause:

The release date for the iPhone 6, Apple’s latest iteration of its “must have” device, is approaching. The tech company is producing 70-80 million new phones to make sure they can meet the demand when it goes on sale this fall.

The hype over the new phone has started and rumors about its features are flooding the internet. But there is only one place on the net where you can find iPhone 6 rumors that are worth the paper they are printed on. You guessed it, Long Awkward Pause is your source for the best rumors on what you can expect when you reach the front of the line at the Apple Store.

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Predicting The Winner Of The World Cup


So, yeah, World Cup. I’ve figured out who the winner is going to be. You can bet the farm on my prediction. If you’re smart, you’ll buy a farm today just so you can bet it.

Originally posted on The Nudge Wink Report:

I don’t know much about soccer. There’s a lot of running around; the guy on each team who runs the least gets to use his hands. Everyone in the game is an actor. And when the ball hits someone in the head it is considered a good play and not cause for hysterical laughter.

So, like many Americans, I’ve watched some World Cup matches and pretended to understand the game’s finer nuances. But I learned a lot about the sport while I pretended I already knew about it. I learned that soccer stadiums are filled with lots of men who wear flags as capes and paint their faces to show support for their teams. The only women allowed to attend World Cup games are attractive eighteen to twenty-five year olds. Most importantly, I learned that it is best to watch soccer on a Spanish language television station because the announcers…

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Ask, Ask and Maybe We’ll Answer: Battle of the Pancake Syrups


Do you ever stay up at night wondering about important stuff like who would win a fight between Aunt Jemima and Mrs. Butterworth? Me neither. I know who would win. Get my take, and four others, over on the Nudge Wink Report

Originally posted on The Nudge Wink Report:

Now that staff performance appraisals are done for another year, it’s time to move on to:

Ask, Ask and Maybe We’ll Answer” here on NWR.

This week’s question comes from Larry in Pennsylvania, writer of the WordPress blog: idiotprufs. Larry, we’re happy you found your way to The Nudge Wink Report. We hope what’s about to happen doesn’t make you regret your decision to become a fan of NWR. And you are a fan.  Right?

Larry’s question is:

If Mrs. Butterworth and Aunt Jemima had a bare-knuckle boxing match, who would win?

Tom : Most people don’t know this, but “Mrs. Butterworth” and “Aunt Jemima” were actually ill-advised code names for famous cars. Sweet!

“Mrs. Butterworth,” obviously, was “The General Lee” from the hit TV show The Dukes of Hazzard. By process of elimination it’s then easy to deduce that “Aunt Jemima” was how Doc and…

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Pat Sajak Overheats


People are entitled to their opinions. Sometimes, famous folks seem to think that we are entitled to their opinions. Why?

Originally posted on Long Awkward Pause:

issue #7

People have their opinions. And if they choose, they can express those opinions in ways that make them look like real nut jobs.

For example, let’s look at Wheel Of Fortune host Pat Sajak’s Twitter post from Monday:

No matter where you stand on global warming , that just sounds odd. In fact, on the well-known Standard Ten Point Scale Of Oddness, with 1 being “I can verify what I said in thirty-five scientific journals” and 10 being “I’m adding a second layer to my foil hat” this statement scores a solid 8.

As you know, an 8 on this scale corresponds with “I just chugged a bottle of cough syrup”.



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The Other Reason I Couldn’t Be Like Donald Sterling


So you know I write for other websites, right? This is one I wrote for The Nudge Wink Report. You should head right over and read it, because you can’t read it all here.

Originally posted on The Nudge Wink Report:

So we spent the better part of a week talking about how Donald Sterling, the owner of the Los Angeles Clippers, proved that money can’t buy you brains. But Donnie proved something else that he didn’t get as much press for.

Money can buy you love.

Famous archivist V. Stiviano, counting. (image via V.Stiviano/instagram)

The woman he was talking to when he said “don’t bring black people to my games” was 31-year-old V. Stiviano. According to the press, Ms. Stiviano was Mr. Sterling’s mistress. According to Ms. Stiviano’s lawyer, she was Sterling’s archivist.

Yeah, that’s what the kids are calling it. Ms. Stiviano was archiving Mr. Sterling. Donald Sterling is 80 years old. He is nearly fifty years older than the woman who is archiving him.

Having A Young Archivist Isn’t All It’s Cracked Up To Be

This whole archiving business is the other reason I couldn’t be like Donald…

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What Your Boss Can Learn From Bruce Springsteen


Had a chance to see Bruce Springsteen last weekend in Virginia Beach. It inspired me to update my post about what The Boss knows that a lot of bosses don’t.
You can find it over at Long Awkward Pause

Originally posted on Long Awkward Pause:

Last weekend I was on a road trip with my son. We went to Virginia Beach to see Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band. This was somewhere around my eleventy-seventh Bruce show since the 1980’s; it was my son’s first.

Find Oma.

Where’s Omawarisan?

This trip was something we’ve talked about for a long time. One of the things I promised when we were talking about doing this was that we would end up right where we were, standing right in front of the stage with no one between us and the band. I had no business promising that because I had no way of knowing I could make that dream come true.

Sometimes things work out the way they should.  We stood and watched the show from the barricade in front of the stage and were often inches from Bruce and the band. But this isn’t about father/son road trips…

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Probably The Last Thing I’ll Say About It

I don’t do many current events related posts, but I’ve found myself writing more than I expected about the plane that’s missing over in the Pacific. I suppose that writing about how offensive I find the television media coverage probably glorifies it in the end, but writing is all I’ve got to swing at it with.

So I wrote about it twice. On the second post, Katie made a comment referring to the children’s book “Goodnight Moon”. Many of you know Katie from her site Sass and Balderdash; she’s also recently joined us at a humor site I’ve been a part of for a while, Long Awkward Pause.

Katie tossed out her children’s book reference with no way of knowing that it was a favorite of my son’s, way back when. I threw together a few lines, then shot her an email and we collaborated on a re-write of Goodnight Moon that hits at the media circus that surrounding the lost flight. Click here to give it a look on Long Awkward Pause.

Probably the last thing I’ll say about it until I go to the gym, watch the news and get pissed off again.

St. Patrick’s Day In Malaysia


Today my writing is over on the Long Awkward Pause site. Come on over for a story ripped from today’s headlines…last week’s headlines too.

Originally posted on Long Awkward Pause:

Today is March 17, St. Patrick’s Day. St. Pat’s is a holiday celebrated all over the world, even Malaysia.

(image by bkkbrad CCby 2.5)

St. Patrick is famed for, among other things, driving all the snakes out of Ireland.  The snake removal work of the patron saint of Ireland is partly responsible for the fact that over two hundred thousand people are employed by the Irish tourism industry. Scenery, a friendly populace and historic sites are probably also a little responsible for the popularity of Ireland with vacationers. But St. Patrick had the vision to see that snake covered scenery is popular with a very limited segment of vacationers.

Folks of Irish extraction celebrate St. Pat’s big day, but they aren’t the only ones. So do people who wish they were Irish, and snake haters around the world. While the annual Malaysian celebrations are set up by Irish…

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