Policies of My Administration: Mannanafnanefnd
Posted: January 7, 2013 Filed under: The policies of my administration | Tags: bad baby names, comedy, humor, Iceland, Icelandic Naming Committee, news, postaweek 24 Comments »I love Iceland.
Iceland, if you’re reading this, call me, maybe?
You don’t want any of this guy. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
I’ve never been to Iceland, but I like the people and the country anyhow. There were Vikings in Iceland. That should raise the nation to the top of anyone’s list.
But Vikings are not the only great thing about Iceland. The country has volcanoes and glaciers. Hawaii shows off its volcanoes. Iceland dismisses Hawaii by pointing to its volcano with a glacier on top of it. Imagine a country that has so many natural wonders it has to stack them up. What you just saw in your mind’s eye is Iceland.
Reviewing Christmas Policy
Posted: November 30, 2012 Filed under: The policies of my administration | Tags: christmas lights, comedy, humor, Light pollution, postaweek 26 Comments »
Christmas lights. A responsibility, not a right. (public domain, wikipedia)
The march toward my administration goes on. I have my policy writing staff working on new rules that address the matters other ruling bodies have been afraid to take on.
This seems like a good time to review an important policy.
With the first weekend of December upon us, many of our neighbors will begin preparing their outdoor lighting displays. Many of them will be fun to see. Others will be inspiring. A few will be dreadful.
Even though I have not completed my take over as the Incognito Ruler Of The World, it is appropriate for you to enforce my policies. There is no better, no easier time to take the law into your own hands than now. Address those dreadful displays.
Review my administration’s policy on Christmas decoration and remember, there were three wise men, not five.
The Policies Of My Administration: Boot Camp
Posted: October 3, 2012 Filed under: The policies of my administration | Tags: boot camp, Bootcamp, humor, postaweek, Recreation, Recruit training, words 22 Comments »Sometimes, terms get taken over and misapplied. Proud words, who once stood for something, now hang their heads in shame. They became hip and so overused that they now mean nothing.
Today’s policy announcement is intended to help a phrase that was once synonymous with a significant rite of passage return to its rightful place of honor.
Hey Maggot, you call those blocks stacked? (photo copyright, me)
My administration will stand up for boot camp.
Remember When Boot Camp Meant Boot Camp?
When I was young, I had an uncle and a cousin who entered military service. Their first stop after the recruiter’s office was boot camp.
I’d never been to boot camp, but I understood it was not a picnic. It involved angry, squared jawed men in round hats yelling at recruits so closely that spit would fly out on the new soldiers’ faces and they were not allowed to complain about it. They would learn to shoot guns, crawl under barbed wire and fight using big q-tip things. Read the rest of this entry »
The Policies Of My Administration: Here We Grow Again
Posted: September 21, 2012 Filed under: The policies of my administration | Tags: bad ideas, comedy, humor, implosion, postaweek, Signage, Word play, writing 27 Comments »Long ago, a business person decided to expand the building he operated from. Concerned that construction equipment in the parking lot would make customers think he’d closed the business during remodeling, he put out a sign. The sign said “Here We Grow Again! Open During Construction”.
I don’t like quotation mark abuse either. (image via liverightnowonline.com)
His partner arrived shortly after the sign was hung. She said “Ha, I see what you did. Play on words. Yes.” The words carried no hint of enthusiasm, but they were enough. Since that day, entrepreneurs have put out that clever “here we grow again” sign when they expand or for new construction.
My Administration Will Value Words
Words are tools that convey messages of importance and humor. Sometimes, humor joins with importance to help both be more effective. The humor/importance interface is what the “grow again” crowd is aiming for. Because they don’t effectively use the tools we call words, they never hit the mark they’re aiming for. Read the rest of this entry »
Policies Of My Administration: Regional Foods
Posted: August 1, 2012 Filed under: The policies of my administration | Tags: barbecue, comedy, Crab cake, cuban sandwich, humor, postaweek 21 Comments »
Maryland crab cakes. Maryland is the important part (Photo credit: qwrrty)
There are certain foods that are tied to specific geographic regions. When you think crab cakes, you must think of my home state of Maryland. The best clam chowder comes from New England. The Cuban Mix sandwich is a delicacy from South Florida (and Cuba, I suppose).
Barbecue differs depending on what style the chef uses – Kansas City, Texas, Memphis and North Carolina style barbecues are different foods. In fact, barbecue in eastern or western North Carolina are not the same dish. South Carolina barbecue? Forget it. Mustard based sauce is just not acceptable, but they call that barbecue too
I recognize the deliciousness of the cuisine particular to each region. Getting a dish that is created in the area it is native to is a real joy. People in those places have a vested interest in providing a dining experience that meets expectations. That is why my administration will enforce a policy designed to help regional chefs protect their cuisine and the dining experience. Read the rest of this entry »
The Policies Of My Administration: No Mattresses On Top Of Cars
Posted: July 13, 2012 Filed under: The policies of my administration, Uncategorized | Tags: Beverly Hillbillies, comedy, humor, mattress on top of car, moving, postaweek 25 Comments »Man is, by nature, a nomadic creature.
Some of our ancestors moved to follow prey. Some of them moved to where they could gather more nuts and berries. Today we look for better living conditions or to be closer to the ones that we love. Career changes drive many to opt to head for another place. Moving is what we do.
When I take over running the world, I’m going to move somewhere nice. The house won’t be over the top, but the site will be breathtaking.
The other thing that I know is true about my move to greener pastures – I will be in full compliance with my administration’s policy on moving.
They Loaded Up The Truck…
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)
There are many ways for people to get their stuff from their old residence to the new. Companies make a lot of money moving belongings between residents. I’ve given friends pizza and beer to help me move in a rented truck. The Beverly Hillbillies piled all their things on Jed’s old truck and headed off to Beverlyyyyy.
This policy is aimed at the people who insist on following the Hillbillies moving model.
It Is Good To Be Economical
I understand that people want to hang on to their money. Paying someone to box up their belongings and transport them across town is expensive. Loading things into their cars or trucks saves cash.
The Polices Of My Administration: No Shirtless Men
Posted: June 25, 2012 Filed under: The policies of my administration | Tags: Bodyart, comedy, humor, life, postaweek, tattoo 32 Comments »Summer brings a phenomena that my administration will not tolerate – shirtless men in public view.
The motivation for these men to go naked from the waist up varies. Some do it to control their body temperature. Some, because they believe it projects a tougher image. A growing number do it to show off a tattoo. All these men have one thing in common – they are all misguided.
Let’s look at these men. We’ll take that look figuratively. Literally avoiding seeing them is the point of the policy.
The Policies Of My Administration: I Have Legitimate Power
Posted: June 18, 2012 Filed under: The policies of my administration | Tags: comedy, Fortune cookie, humor, Monty Python, postaweek, Saddam Hussein, sword 21 Comments »“Listen. Strange women lying in ponds, distributing swords, is no basis for a system of government.” – Dennis, Monty Python And The Holy Grail.
Monty Python & the Quest for the Holy Grail (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
I’ve made it clear that I have an ambitious agenda of policies to put in place once I take power. But only a fool would take being in charge of the world lightly.
You might be able to make the case that I have been foolish now and again, but it’d be difficult to convince me that I am a fool. I’ve prepared for my take over by writing policies and watching for signs that the time is right for me to seize the power that is rightfully mine. Fools don’t spend time writing policy.
Well, some fools write policy; but there are no fools who write policy and watch for signs.
Anyhow, sometimes you find signs where you would least expect them.
Dennis Was Right
Strange women distributing swords is not the basis of a system of government. In fact, I’d say that recent history indicates that the guy in charge being given swords does not bode well for said guy in charge.
People that have blurted back