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Can I Get A Witness?

I am going to hire an employee. That person will have one duty – they will have to be with me so that I always have someone to turn to and say “did you see that?” when I witness something.

Unfortunately, I have not hired that employee yet. You’re going to have to take my word for it – the story I’m about to tell you is true.

Traveling Man

(public domain, wikimedia)

A six a.m. flight had me up and moving early. I wasn’t moving fast, but I was moving. There were all the usual hygiene procedures, then I got dressed and carried my bags out in to the hotel’s hallway. Read the rest of this entry »

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Stop Interrupting Me

Last week, I told you about my latest and most terrifying haircut adventure. Today I’m going to tell you that it may not be over.

No, I’m not saying that I’ve been getting my hair cut continuously for the past three weeks. I will admit that would be terrifying in its own way. Thank you so much for bringing it up. If there’s anything I need, it’s to waste more time worrying about crazy stuff that you bring up…like three week long haircuts. Please don’t interrupt me.

I’m concerned about something much more sinister, with ethical implications far beyond what I should be addressing on my humble blog.

Lydia, Oh Lydia

The only thing scarier than one of these is one of these in Lydia’s hand. (image by Dr. K CC by SA 3.0)

You might recall that my last few haircuts were done by a woman who is littered with bad tattoos. During my last cut, she brought out a straight razor to trim the hair on the back of my neck. No one has ever used a straight razor to cut my hair before. Read the rest of this entry »


Top Five CNN Questions About New MH370 Transcript

(altair78 cc by sa 2.0)

The big story on CNN is that the last transmission from Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 was not “all right, good night”. Malaysian authorities now say that the last words from the plane were actually “Goodnight Malaysian three seven zero”.

Oh…my…God! Read the rest of this entry »


Dermatologist. Cosmetologist. Whatever.

It has been rare that the same person has cut my hair more than once. That seems to be changing with the shop I go to now.

This new place isn’t bad. There aren’t other customers waiting when I arrive. I’m always first in line. The woman at the counter asks if I made an appointment. I never make one, because like I said, I’m the only one there.

This has almost nothing to do with what I’ve written, but I’m sure it’s funny. Or maybe it was funny, or something (public domain)

So she always says, “have a seat, someone will be right with you.”

It used to bother me that the receptionist would ask me to take a seat and wait when I’m the only customer. The Hallmark Channel is always on the waiting area television. I began to wonder if my penance for not having an appointment was enduring ten minutes of sappy Hallmark programming. Now I realize that the wait is a good thing. I think they are trying to assign me to the same person each time.

Meet Inky

I’m not sure how old my current hair cutter is. Perhaps she’s in her seventies. It might also be true that she is in her forties and has gone through a lot of wear and tear. She has red hair, but it isn’t a shade of red that occurs in nature. I don’t simply mean that I know she dyes her hair. I’m saying that this woman’s hair is a completely unprecedented red. If the color wheel was a tire with a nail stuck in it right where the reds are, this red would be at the spot where that tire went flat. Read the rest of this entry »


1 + 1 = Syracuse

There are times when one plus one equals two. But now and then, you look at one, you look at the other one and when you add those together you get five.

When one and one equal five, there are usually logical reasons to think that’s the answer. Once, when I was very young, I added one plus one.

And the answer was Syracuse. Read the rest of this entry »


Don’t Touch The Element Of The Toaster Oven

Don’t try this at home – I burned my finger in the toaster oven.

Not the toaster oven in question. Just the same, don’t screw with it. (public domain via wikimedia)

I knew this before I burned myself, but the elements on a toaster oven get extremely hot. I’m now able to say that they are hot to the touch. Let me stress that you should not try that out for yourself at home, nor should you go to another person’s home to try it.

I’m a little nervous telling you this, because I don’t want a rash of people going out and trying to see if this works for them Read the rest of this entry »


Get An Expert Opinion on Malaysia Airlines 370

As an expert, I approve of this pilot’s take off technique. (image by air icarus CC by SA 2.0)

The other day, a friend pointed out how foolish the 24 hour news networks look trotting out “experts” to give their opinions on the fate of Malaysia Airlines Flight 370. I agree. As far as I can tell, the only thing sketchier than the theories that are being tossed around are the qualifications of those deemed experts.

I know you’re all hungry for information about where flight 370 is, but you don’t have access to an expert. I’m here for you.

Yes, it’s true. Starting now, I will be giving my expert answers all your questions concerning the missing Malaysia Airlines flight. Any questions about Malaysia 370, aviation, air traffic control or my qualifications and experience in the field are fair game.

Ask your questions in the comment section below.

Don’t forget to check back for your answer.

Feel free to ask a follow-up question if you see the need.


The Devil’s Left Hand

I went to Catholic school for the first few years. One of the most vivid memories I have of that experience is from my first grade class room.

My left hand is too evil to allow itself to be photographed. (image by Krzysztof P. Jasiutowicz, CC by SA 3.0)

We were practicing writing. The boy in front of me was left-handed. The nun who was our teacher came by and cracked the back of his hand with a ruler and told him to use his other hand. He swapped hands. Unfortunately, each time she stopped our practice to teach another letter we had to put our pencils down. And when the nun instructed us to pick them back up, my classmate’s natural tendency took over. He’d take up his pencil in his left hand.

Over and over this poor kid would pick up his pencil in his left hand after a pause and the nun would hit him. I don’t remember much of what she taught that day. I just remember learning gratitude; I thanked God I wasn’t born left-handed. Read the rest of this entry »


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