Most days I bring my lunch to work. I’ve usually got some leftovers in my lunch bag. A quick spin in the office microwave and I’m in business.
There’s always something good on the break room TV. A few weeks ago, we watched some guy who was trying to understand why some lions attacked him. I thought the buckets of raw meat he was carrying were a bigger factor than the “experts” seemed to. Last Friday, we watched some bumpkins wrestling catfish in muddy water. That show made the catfish look like sympathetic characters.
I was reminded earlier today that it was L. Frank Baum’s birthday. If he had survived whatever killed him, and everything that would have followed that, he would have been 157 today.
That is Mrs. L. Frank Baum pictured to your right.
- She looks just like this guy I know at work.
- That collar wasn’t in fashion when the photo was taken; it just hides her Adam’s apple better.
- Dude looks like a lady.
- Wouldn’t want to sit behind her in a theater.
- Ma’am, they’re going to need those shoulder pads back before football season.
- “That’s not your mother, it’s a man, baby”.
Sorry, I just had to get those out of my system. Let’s get back on topic. Read the rest of this entry »
Lots of people say it. They’ll say it to my face. I’ve gotten it at work, I’ve heard it at home. My friends have told me.
I’ve denied it. Without exception, every time they’ve said it, I have said it isn’t true. Perhaps I knew it was so. Maybe I just didn’t want to believe it could be true. I denied it. I ignored the pressure within; the pressure that told me it was true.
Perhaps it’s just that it sounds harsh. Even when people laugh while they’re saying it, even when the context is friendly, it sounds harsh. I didn’t want that. It’d be awful if it were true, so it couldn’t be. Read the rest of this entry »
Those two topics don’t seem terribly related. If you listed the common elements in those two stories you’d come up with:
- webbed feet
Now some of you read that list and see nothing special, no significant relationship. Others read it and see all the elements of a great Saturday night. If you’re in that second group, call me.
After an experience I had the other day, I see the connection between these two blog posts. I’ve uncovered something awful, and I’m not just talking about my writing. Read the rest of this entry »
We can all agree that when something needs to be made fresh, Mentos should be involved. Of course, if we can’t all agree, I can always use the power of those mints to convince any foolish naysayers.
I am a fan of the old Mentos commercials, the ones that showed how resourceful people who ate that candy could be. Mentos consumers were not only minty fresh, but capable of creatively resolving any situation while winning their tormentor’s admiration.
This is the first of a series of occasional posts I’ll be writing to discuss the lessons of, and the complete spectacularness of the old Mentos ads. Today’s lesson will be on the classic ad, The Car Movers.
Let’s watch: Read the rest of this entry »
Today, I was hesitant to get on an elevator at work.
There’s not much I hesitate to do at work. Wearing body armor and various weapons does tend to make one more bold. But today, I got a little tentative in our headquarters building.
So There I Was, Minding My Own Business
Fifty percent of good stories start with someone minding their own business. All the rest start with someone sitting in a bar. I was at work, so I was minding my own business.
I slipped in to the building through a secondary door and hit the up button to call the freight elevator. The freight is my preferred ride because it is faster than the main elevators, and the big bosses rarely use it. The car came up from the basement. The doors rattled, then opened. I stood there, looking at him. Read the rest of this entry »
Long ago, I realized that for men named Lou, the only possible nickname is Big Lou. Big and Lou just fit together. They bring a certain toughness and a particular image when they are combined. Lou is just a guy. Big Lou is someone you don’t fool with. Lou has a few friends. Big Lou, he has people, if you know what I’m saying. Read the rest of this entry »
A few days ago, the U.S. Navy announced the development of a new weapon. A very impressive new weapon that is one hundred percent accurate in downing enemy aircraft.
Here is a video of the Navy’s new laser weapon being demonstrated:
Pretty amazing, huh? If you watched the video all the way through, you probably learned something that we’ve been told is the truth, but had no way of knowing. This video is proof positive that some folks really do see a bright light right before they go.
What’s The News?
Here’s something you might not know about this new laser invention. It isn’t new. It was first demonstrated in the 1955 film, This Island Earth.
Consider how great it would be to call someone on Skype, then blow up their stuff with a laser while you’ve got them on line. That’s part of what the old version of the laser weapon has over today’s naval version.
The weapon demonstrated in the film was called an interocitor and it caused destruction just like the Navy’s toy – laser beam, flames, explosion. But it doesn’t stop there. It was also used as:
- an intelligence test
- a video communication device
- an auto-pilot for a plane
- plucks an airplane safely out of mid-air
The film’s star even theorizes, as he flips through the blueprints for the interocitor, that the device could construct four lane highways at a mile per minute. The interocitor seems capable of about anything.
So, Navy, nice job on your new weapon…but I’m not impressed. Call me when you’ve got a weapon that can make me some Pad Thai for lunch while I talk to Kim Jong Un and blow up his television just to make a point.