Colonoscopy Prep – The Live Blog

Tomorrow, I’m having a colonoscopy.

I imagine at this point you’re asking yourself “who schedules something like that for New Years Eve?” Look, like a lot of stuff that I do, this seemed smart at one time. I can’t remember what seemed smart about this idea.

Anyhow, since I’ve been on a little writing break over the holidays, I thought “why not write about what’s happening today?” I invite you to refer back to the last paragraph about things seeming to ┬áme to be a smart idea.

I’m going to update this through the day, because in my cranky, hungry state of mind it seems like the thing to do.

It is about 10 am. I last ate at 11 last night. I’m not really allowed to eat today. I get water, jello and broth. I jumped up and got out of the house early to run errands, but forgot to enjoy some jello.

Times like this remind me that food is very prevalent in our society. It is everywhere. There’s a restaurant on every corner. The radio constantly advertises places I could eat, if I could eat.

Also, there are no jello and broth restaurants. Note to self, open a jello restaurant catering to the untapped colonoscopy market.

Ok, I’m going to finish my errands before I have to go home and take my first dose of the medicine that starts the process. Come on back in a little while for more fun with cranky me.

10:45 – I’m at Home Depot; they don’t sell food here, right?

I just left Costco. Those sample ladies are pretty aggressive. The one with the chicken samples was really bad. Hey lady, panko bread this!

This is my last stop before I go home and turn the house into the thunder dome.

IMG_212611:30 – I’m home and enjoying a delicious bowl of jello. Speaking of jello, Bill Cosby is being arrested. That has nothing to do with colonoscopies, it’s more of a stream of consciousness thing.

For any of you who may have wondered, two little boxes of jello makes about two pounds of dessert…or as I like to call it, lunch.

I made my lunch yesterday. You might notice from the photo that I made layers – lemon, then lime. I’m creative like that.

When you do a colonoscopy, doctors don’t want you to eat or drink red stuff. Apparently we’re all red inside. When you eliminate shades of red in jello, you’re pretty much locked in to lemon and lime or whatever the blue stuff is.

12:00 – I just took my first dose of magnesium citrate. Things will be getting real soon.

You know, the last time I had one of these procedures, the stuff they gave me to get things moving was terrible tasting. It scares me to say this, but this stuff wasn’t so bad.

I got a kick out of the label “The Sparkling Laxative”, but it was lemony and sort of refreshing. I’m happy to see that it is pasteurized. The last thing I want to do is drink something that’s unpasteurized that will cause me to spend my day on the toilet.

3 Comments on “Colonoscopy Prep – The Live Blog”

  1. Always think of what could happen if you didn’t have one.

  2. Hilarious!! Good luck!

  3. k8edid says:

    I wish you had titled this “Colonoscopy Prep – The Musical”. Just this weekend I saw a snippet on tv about a broth restaurant in New York City. They even had a walk-up window. Doubt they deliver, though.

    My mom died of colon cancer at age 42 so I have been having that procedure done more often than most other folks. The prep is the worst part – but the drugs are pretty darned nice!

    Good luck..

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