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Don’t Touch The Element Of The Toaster Oven

Don’t try this at home – I burned my finger in the toaster oven.

Not the toaster oven in question. Just the same, don’t screw with it. (public domain via wikimedia)

I knew this before I burned myself, but the elements on a toaster oven get extremely hot. I’m now able to say that they are hot to the touch. Let me stress that you should not try that out for yourself at home, nor should you go to another person’s home to try it.

I’m a little nervous telling you this, because I don’t want a rash of people going out and trying to see if this works for them, but after I pulled my hand from the oven I had a very specifically shaped burn on my middle finger. The burn looked like the Batman logo.

Sensible Thoughts

Pain is a funny thing. People react in a lot of different ways to it. Sometimes they do and think things that don’t make sense. I’m not one of those nonsensical thinkers. I just thought that the Batman symbol burned on to my middle finger would make giving someone “the finger” so much more effective. The person receiving my “finger” would not only be offended, but would be transfixed by the burn. Did Batman just flip them off? Perhaps they’d just think that the Caped Crusader endorsed my flipping them The Bird.

But I haven’t given anyone “the finger” since the early ’80’s. And since my finger was starting to hurt, I chose to let some basic first aid be applied. Part of the planned treatment was to put the ointment, Neosporin, on the burn.

I wasn’t certain that particular medication was what should go on a small burn, so I took a moment to consult the oracle. I pulled out my iPhone and started to Google “Neosporin on burns”. As I typed in the search, Google started suggesting searches that I presume are based on what other people have searched.

People Are Strange

Now, I am aware that this world contains a number of very odd people. I was in law enforcement for twenty-eight years and met quite a few of those people. Even when I look at the statistics for my wholesome website, I find that some people find the site by searching for nude photographs of grandmothers or of Flo, The Progressive Insurance Woman. But even I was not ready to find that people have apparently searched Google to find out if it is alright to apply Neosporin to male genitalia.

20140324-092523.jpg

You want proof? There’s your proof. What is wrong with people?

I tried the same search on my laptop and got similar results, plus searches for Neosporin on lips and in the nose. Even I have a threshold at which I recognize that I should probably see a physician. Situations where I am considering putting antibiotic ointment anywhere that my bathing suit covers are all well beyond where I’d take the time to consult the web for advice on how to proceed.

“People live strange and disturbing lives, don’t they?”, asked the man who touched the red-hot toaster oven element.

Seriously, don’t screw around with the toaster oven.

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14 Comments on “Don’t Touch The Element Of The Toaster Oven”

  1. Eva says:

    Neosporin is good stuff… even for pee-pee owies.

  2. Did you not show us the burn out of modesty or respect?

  3. We Found Him Captain! says:

    Never, never, ever put Ben-gay on your “Oinker” or on your “cannoli” either! Take it from me, it will turn you from a tenor to a soprano in one application. Neosporin is o.k. I have it with my oatmeal every Saturday morning. I’m all better by Monday.

  4. I was about to ask you how you’re able to keep your toaster oven so clean, then I realized it wasn’t yours. Phew! I was getting a little self-conscious about my oven which looks like a gremlin exploded in it.

    Hope your Batman finger is better.

  5. I never screw around with a toaster oven but I with advice. Long story shortish: Due to bad judgement on my part, for trusting an “expert” I to sought help online. After searching the web to no avail we called a Vet who actually knew a “Real” expert. Several hours, and a few hundred dollars later, I had to give iodine drops, burn salve and antibiotic injections to our Ball Python. Seriously I can’t make this stuff up.

    Side note : constrictors constrict but they can bite as well!

    In light of that I will not judge though I would love to see a photo of “Batman” actually flying.
    Great read Oma, and I know you will, keep em flying!

  6. List of X says:

    Maybe somebody thought it would be cool to have a Batman logo on their penis.

  7. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    We have a toaster oven at work. I think it’s the most dangerous appliance on the planet. It’s untrustworthy. Though, putting your food on paper towels is probably a recipe for disaster. Anyway, I use it sparingly, with much trepidation. Every part of it – especially the outside part – could cause third-degree burns.

  8. Somehow, with all your training and experience, I would never have thought you would put your finger on a hot element in a toaster oven. Unless, of course, you knew that you would get the cool batman logo finger.

  9. Give your toaster oven the finger and you get burned. Good to know. Neosporin what would we do without it.

  10. Is it wrong that I don’t have a toaster oven? Also…I’m also currently using Neosporin…but you don’t want to know where. Let’s just say Scout is a biter, which I didn’t know was possible without teeth.


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