Don’t Touch The Element Of The Toaster OvenPosted: March 24, 2014
Don’t try this at home – I burned my finger in the toaster oven.
I knew this before I burned myself, but the elements on a toaster oven get extremely hot. I’m now able to say that they are hot to the touch. Let me stress that you should not try that out for yourself at home, nor should you go to another person’s home to try it.
I’m a little nervous telling you this, because I don’t want a rash of people going out and trying to see if this works for them, but after I pulled my hand from the oven I had a very specifically shaped burn on my middle finger. The burn looked like the Batman logo.
Pain is a funny thing. People react in a lot of different ways to it. Sometimes they do and think things that don’t make sense. I’m not one of those nonsensical thinkers. I just thought that the Batman symbol burned on to my middle finger would make giving someone “the finger” so much more effective. The person receiving my “finger” would not only be offended, but would be transfixed by the burn. Did Batman just flip them off? Perhaps they’d just think that the Caped Crusader endorsed my flipping them The Bird.
But I haven’t given anyone “the finger” since the early ’80′s. And since my finger was starting to hurt, I chose to let some basic first aid be applied. Part of the planned treatment was to put the ointment, Neosporin, on the burn.
I wasn’t certain that particular medication was what should go on a small burn, so I took a moment to consult the oracle. I pulled out my iPhone and started to Google “Neosporin on burns”. As I typed in the search, Google started suggesting searches that I presume are based on what other people have searched.
People Are Strange
Now, I am aware that this world contains a number of very odd people. I was in law enforcement for twenty-eight years and met quite a few of those people. Even when I look at the statistics for my wholesome website, I find that some people find the site by searching for nude photographs of grandmothers or of Flo, The Progressive Insurance Woman. But even I was not ready to find that people have apparently searched Google to find out if it is alright to apply Neosporin to male genitalia.
I tried the same search on my laptop and got similar results, plus searches for Neosporin on lips and in the nose. Even I have a threshold at which I recognize that I should probably see a physician. Situations where I am considering putting antibiotic ointment anywhere that my bathing suit covers are all well beyond where I’d take the time to consult the web for advice on how to proceed.
“People live strange and disturbing lives, don’t they?”, asked the man who touched the red-hot toaster oven element.
Seriously, don’t screw around with the toaster oven.