Regarding Locker Room RulesPosted: February 4, 2014
Back when I was about to go to junior high school, I had a concern. I’d been taught to take a shower behind a curtain that was behind a door. I’d grown up changing clothes by myself, then emerging fully dressed into the world where others could see me. But now I’d be taking a phys-ed class that required showering and changing clothes with others nearby.
My father, who understands all things, explained to me that in a locker room the etiquette was that people busy themselves with showering and dressing. As long as they did that, the system worked without the shower curtain and door. Of course, dad explained this in his own inimitable and unprintable style. He was right, that’s how it worked.
And the gym teacher reinforced what my dad passed on with phrases like “wash it down and cover it back up, no one want to smell or see that stuff”.
The police department hired me after college, so I attended the police academy (no it isn’t like the movies, yes I’ve seen them). At the academy there was a large gentleman who would begin yelling at us to hurry up before we even got in to the locker room. If he decided that we’d taken too long today, tomorrow our time to shower and dress would be halved, as would the number of working shower heads.
So I have a background in the idea that locker rooms are where you wash what you’ve got, then cover it up. Because I am that way, I assume that the rest of the world is. The rest of the world is not that way. There is a growing population of people who don’t understand the lessons of my father, the gym teacher and the academy commander.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
A few weeks ago, I was at my gym. As I changed to shower, I saw a man using a blow dryer to dry his hair. He hadn’t bothered with shorts or a towel. Everyone in proximity to him was visibly uncomfortable. And yet there he was, blowing his hair dry, with his giblets hanging out.
More recently, several men were conversing as they dressed. That isn’t true. One of them stood there, naked, while he chatted. The others were throwing clothes on as fast as possible so they could get away.
Two days ago, I walked in after exercising to find a guy admiring himself in the mirror. He was ten feet from the mirror, in his underwear, looking himself up and down. As he’d turn to get what I presume were better angles, he’d say to himself “yeah”. Each time he turned, he rewarded himself with a “yeah”.
Oh, and he didn’t get embarrassed and stop “yeah-ing” himself when I walked in.
Put It Away
I’m not a nostalgic guy. I hated junior high. Losing shower heads in the academy wasn’t cool. But I long for the days when people put their junk away before they conducted further business.
Like I said, I hated junior high. I never liked that gym teacher, even though he had a really cool car and dated the teacher we all thought was hot. But gentleman, he was right. No one wants to see that stuff. Our bodies are functional, but not works of art.
No dawdling. Cover it up.
(completely unrelated, but yesterday was my blog’s five-year anniversary on wordpress. that makes me the wordiest quiet guy in the world)