Deer Are Impatient JerksPosted: December 23, 2013
Saturday night, I saw a deer while I was driving. That’s pretty common. I’ve seen plenty of deer. What makes this sighting notable is that I spotted the deer as he was bouncing off my car.
This encounter happened as we followed some friends along an unfamilar road. I later learned that the friend’s daughter spotted the deer standing next to the road before the collision. The deer let the first car go by, then decided to cross the road. It was a most unfortunate choice on his part.
We Had An Agreement
Before this little meeting, I was sympathetic toward deer. We built roads through their wilderness and they’d get hit by cars as a result. My opinion has changed.
If you fly over this country, you’ll see that the majority of it isn’t urban development. There are forests, meadows and farms – plenty of room for deer to conduct their business. Even in developed areas, people’s yards and public park land are perfect for deer. We cede all this land to them. “Do whatever you do, out there” we say, “just stay off our roads and everything will be fine”.
Deer Are Jerks
The deer refuse to live by this simple request. What a bunch of jerks.
They insist on standing on the roads, or running out on to them. Sometimes they gather in groups on the side of major thoroughfares; their presence there snarls up traffic because people fear they might bolt into the roadway. Deer crossing roads always ends up bad for them, but they insist on doing it.
What I realized the other night is that deer aren’t just jerks. Deer are impatient jerks.
No One Likes An Impatient Jerk
My deer encounter happened on a very quiet road. There were no other cars in sight, just the two that were traveling together. Before and after us, nothing but darkness. The first car passed, but the deer couldn’t wait any longer. It ran toward the road and boom, insurance deductible time.
Had the deer waited a second longer, we’d have passed peacefully through each others lives the way we should have. The deer was impatient. He had to get across the street, now.
And here how impatient this jerk deer was. He hit the back of the car. I didn’t hit him, he hit me! If he’d have been able to hold his horses for another nanosecond I’d have been out of his way and he could have gone into the woods and done whatever was so gosh darn important once he got there safely.
But no, this deer was an impatient jerk.
Maybe it is the trauma of the incident. Perhaps it is the fright of the inexplicable loud bang at the back of the car or the guilt of having hit another living thing with a car. It could even be the sight of him in my rear view mirror, stumbling back, never losing his footing and then taking off into the woods. It is so unlike me to lump a whole group together based on the misdeeds of one, but something is making me do it now. I’m not taking it back.
Deer are impatient jerks.