No One Is Perfect, YetPosted: December 17, 2013 | |
I eat a lot of Chinese food.
“A lot” doesn’t provide a perspective on the amount I’m trying to describe, does it? Let me narrow it down for you. I eat a lot of Chinese food, but less than someone who lives in China.
Chinese is one of my food groups. The food pyramid we’re supposed to use separates foods into their components – so many servings of meats, so many vegetables, etc.. My pyramid focuses on the cuisines. It requires a certain number of servings of styles of food. Chinese has its own block in my pyramid.
Minding My Own Business, Which Is Where Things Always Start
Recently, I was at a restaurant doing my best to spike my body’s level of MSG. The waitress brought my check and fortune cookie. My fortune read “You shall soon achieve perfection”.
That’s right. Perfection.
So many people have tried.
So few have succeeded.
So, apparently I’m just about there.
Before I reach the pinnacle, I think it is best to get a few things straight with all of you. It doesn’t seem like I’ve got time to wait if I am to get this done before I cross the line to perfection. “Soon” implies that my cookie saw a certain soon-ness to my perfection.
I’m Perfectly Fine With You The Way You Are
I’ve never been perfect, but I want you all to know that I’d like my perfection to unify us. You might think that I’d tend to separate myself from others because of what I’ll have become. That would be so imperfect of me and hardly worthy of our bond.
Since I intend to maintain our connection, I’ll also look to you all to come to me for assistance. My perspective on the world will be superior to what it is now. I expect that I’ll be able to see solutions to whatever problems you might be dealing with and be able to express those solutions in a non-judgmental manner.
Speaking of my non-judgmental manner, should you choose not to come to me for help, I will wonder why. When I wonder, I will do it without judging your problem or your bad choice in not looking to me for a solution. At that point in my development, I will have come up with a flawless means of expressing to you that your choice wasn’t optimum without reverting to imperfect phrases like “bad choice”.
Who Was That Masked Man?
In my spare time, I will travel the world and enrich the lives of others through the power of my perfection. The best way to do this will be at random. Taking applications from people just seems unpleasant and needlessly competitive.
I’d rather show up, divine the issues of a person who is walking down the street and then provide the solution. I might cook a dinner for one person, counsel the next person and build a home for the third. The random delivery of perfect solutions will be life changing for the people I choose.
I’ll also make appearances on television shows. Those who watch will come to understand the important issues of the day, through the power of my ability to translate my pure thoughts into words. One of the first things I will impart to the world is that any music that contains a drum machine is not music.
Music with a drum machine is not music. There’s a perfect little sneak preview of my perfection for you.
Soon. Very soon.
But you and I, we’ll still be cool.