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Puppies, Funnel Cakes and Jesus

I don’t write about religion. Folks believe what they believe.

My belief is that there are a lot of religious texts out there. Generally, they all agree that everything and everyone came from some God who wants us all to be good to one another. If you believe something different from that, I’m cool. Hurt feelings are the only thing that comes from debating people’s beliefs; arguments don’t win hearts and minds over to any side.

So I don’t write about religion, except for now.

Most faiths put importance on being in touch with the higher power to give praise and to seek blessings. That’s important, I’m all for it. I’m grateful for my life and I look to heaven to bless us all with peace.

I’ve heard that no prayer goes unheard or is too small. That’s probably so. But here is where I’m going to deviate a little. I know I’m doing this because I think like me and not like a deity.

Gumming (Or Dough-ing) Up The Works

Here’s the thing – I think some people gum up the works with some unnecessary stuff. I’m not talking about the kid who prays for a puppy. In the grand scheme, the puppy is a pretty big deal. I just think we need God (in whatever form you may address him) focused on things like helping us not kill each other and making sure kids and puppies get plenty to eat.

We should enjoy the lives we’re privileged to have and express our appreciation for it. But people keep firing excessive stuff up at the sky. For instance, last week I saw this:

thank you jesus

Somewhere, a soldier prays for the chance to go home safely. Meanwhile, this guy gums up the works praying about funnel cakes. Perhaps prioritizing is in order. (photo credit, me)

I don’t eat many funnel cakes. The last one I ate was tasty, but I didn’t hold a religious service to express my gratitude. On funnel cake days I’ve just been generally grateful. Being specific about the funnel cake seems like overkill.

Omawarisan 5:16

Maybe that’s wrong. I’m no religious scholar so I’m going by feel.

Perhaps there’s a verse in a book somewhere that says “let there be dough, fried – in the oil of the peanut or perhaps even the canola*  – and cast upon it through a screen-like device of some sort, sugar like the finest powder. All shall give thanks for the fried cake of the funnel.” If that’s written somewhere and isn’t just the Book Of Omawarisan, Chapter Five, Verse Sixteen, I could be in trouble.

Maybe I’m in trouble, but I’m going to hang my hat on puppies, kids with full stomachs and doing the best I can. I’ll take what I have coming from that.

* What the hell is canola?
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34 Comments on “Puppies, Funnel Cakes and Jesus”

  1. Lily says:

    You probably have no recollection of my past comments and/ or blog posts that say (which is still true, so I’ll repeat): I believe in everything, saves bother.

    That said, I don’t ‘believe’ in organised religion. Anybody with my family history wouldn’t — couldn’t. We’ve proven and disproven all that shizzle. I like to believe that the universe has infinite possibilities and it’s up to people to create from matter and energy (suppose matter is energy…damn that poor high school education) with their thoughts and actions. Hell, they’ve shown that light can change from particles to waves based upon perception. Guess my point is, I put enough shit out there, I make it a point to put out some good stuff, too.

    I suppose funnel cakes are good, if you’re not Celiac. Since I am Celiac, I’m not sure that I can thank their God for them. Just another example of why somebody’s gift is another’s flaming sack of shit.

  2. larva225 says:

    I travel for work sometimes. Once I was in the backwoods of Louisiana (a scary place) and found a tiny little church on a dirt road with a marquis. The marquis read “Jesus is lord of bear skin.” Not “bare skin,” as I might have thought in that “don’t get naked and sin” kind of way. But “bear skin.”
    Poaching must be a huge concern up there.
    Funny read!

  3. Debbie says:

    When I was little, I prayed for a pony. Never got one, but now I know that no prayer is unheard. The answer might be “No,” or “Wait,” or “Yes,” but all prayer is heard. For the record, canola is a type of oil made from the canola plant (from the same family as — wait for it — broccoli and Brussels sprouts, YUCK!). It’s touted as a more healthful version, if you’ve gotta have fried food, you know. Think I’d rather have candy corn! (http://www.uscanola.com/what-is-canola/)

  4. What springs to mind is how sad that these people having nothing else good in their lives to be thankful for. Funnel cakes. That’s it. That’s all they have. At least they are grateful for them.
    Agreed! Stop gumming up the works.

  5. Funnel cake communion? Sounds good!

    Maybe they didn’t actually pray for the cakes, they’re just appreciating that they have them. I thank God for MoonPies at least once a week.

  6. I’m not a big believer in using higher powers to market a product or a cause. Now, if the signs said, This funnel cake is so heavenly Jesus eats here—-I would applaud the marketing as clever. I like both funnel cake, and puppies but not at the same time–too messy.

  7. knace says:

    Amen! You have managed to put into words exactly how I feel about Jesus, funnel cakes and puppies, in one brilliant post.
    And I always wonder what would happen if Jesus actually showed up one day and announced that he didn’t give a flip about funnel cakes, high school athletics or the budget deficit.( Jesus does care about puppies. I just happen to know that.) Then what would everyone do? Would people actually change their behavior accordingly? Or would they just say “He must not be the real Jesus because he doesn’t agree with me.”

  8. Blogdramedy says:

    For some, deep-fried butter is a miraculous experience. Those are the ones you hear praying hard the next morning.

  9. Wendy says:

    I am thankful for my puppy, and also my old dog. Don’t like funnel cakes, but as long as people are thankful for something, that’s good.

  10. kimpugliano says:

    A few things: I come from a Jewish upbringing with my super-Christian aunt and family from Daddy’s side two blocks away. I grew up confused.

    Noah’s 4th grade teacher once told one of the kids to “pray not wish.” I wanted to march into his classroom (after school of course) and tell him, “I am raising my child atheist. Don’t you DARE tell him to pray!” But I didn’t because I’m not raising him that way and instead I told him what I believe and that he can believe whatever he wants, but his teacher has no right to tell him how.

    Three: My girlfriend asked me to capitalize god when I text her. I told her only if she doesn’t.

    Last: Macklemore and Ryan Lewis have a song called “Same Love” about gay marriage. My favorite favorite line is:

    Whatever God you believe in
    We come from the same one

    Unless you’re atheist and you came from evolution.

    Wow, I was way too serious about this. I’m trying not to think about donuts.

  11. I avoid all discussions of religion and of funnel cakes. It’s better for all of us, trust me.

  12. Laura says:

    How dare you make light of the Miracle of the Funnel Cakes!

    • omawarisan says:

      “…and lo, the oil became heated though no flame was under the vessel. Into the vessel, the batter was cast and the result rested upon plates of paper to be given unto the multitudes. Verily, the people said “our stomachs are full of fried goodness, our cloaks dusted with powdered sugar. Let us give thanks for what we have seen and gorged upon, but can’t explain.”

  13. spencercourt says:

    Funnel cake, huh? Well if you believe that food price is related to quality, then the Holy Grail is a Jewish pastry called rugelach.

    My grandmother used to make the most…divine…(since we’re talking religion here) date and nut rugelach. But since she’s not around, I’m having to settle for the Whole Foods version…at $13 per pound. (Works out to 25 cents per rugelach.)

  14. List of X says:

    I’m not really an expert on either religion or funnel cakes, but I think that for someone on a low-carb diet a funnel cake is probably a work of the Devil.


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