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I’m Sorry. You Were Right. I Was.

Lots of people say it. They’ll say it to my face. I’ve gotten it at work, I’ve heard it at home. My friends have told me.

I’ve denied it. Without exception, every time they’ve said it, I have said it isn’t true. Perhaps I knew it was so. Maybe I just didn’t want to believe it could be true. I denied it. I ignored the pressure within; the pressure that told me it was true.

Perhaps it’s just that it sounds harsh. Even when people laugh while they’re saying it, even when the context is friendly, it sounds harsh. I didn’t want that. It’d be awful if it were true, so it couldn’t be.

Knowing how awful and harsh as it is to hear, I’ll freely admit that I’ve said it. Friends, I’ve told them. Strangers, yeah a few. Car salesmen, every one I’ve ever met. I’m not proud of having said it even though I know it is a bit rough…except to car salesmen. In their cases it is true. And that goes for their managers too.

As recently as this weekend, I heard it again. I was with friends and a made a remark. We all had a laugh and someone said it in the midst of their laugh. I didn’t make a big deal about it, but inside I thought “no I’m not”. Deny, deny, deny.

Today I am here to apologize. Apparently I was wrong. That become clear to me over the past 12 hours. The truth has pushed its way out of me. Inexorably, with startling force, it has burst forth and proven me wrong. I can’t deny it. This truth is unpleasant, but I can’t stop it.

I took this picture myself during a rare moment out of the bathroom

I can’t stop it. So I’m sorry. I apologize to each and every one of you who have told me and gotten one of my denials. You were right to tell me. You were more accurate than either of us knew. It was just like you said. I admit it. The next time one of you says it about me, I will not say that I’m not.

I will say that I was.

Last night, I took my first dose of the medicine to get ready for my colonoscopy. This morning I took the second. The truth that so many knew about me has been revealed to me in horrible detail. I have been on the john almost continuously and I now know that apparently I really was full of crap.

Trust me on this: I’m not anymore.

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27 Comments on “I’m Sorry. You Were Right. I Was.”

  1. When that bottle says “solution,” it means it!

  2. shoutabyss says:

    Something told me I needed to visit your blog today.

    Feel better, my friend!

  3. It’s actually one of your most interesting qualities.

  4. Debbie says:

    Now that everything has come out okay, I hope everything else (the test) does!!

  5. Anonymous says:

    Don’t fret !!! You can always reload !

  6. We Found Him Captain! says:

    Welcome to the club! Oh for those good old days when all I knew about a colon was that it was one of several forms of punctuation. Now we both know otherwise. Are you hungry yet?

  7. I had one a few years ago…best diet/cleanse ever! Except for the fact that I was so weak, I could barely walk to the car for my appt.

  8. lbwoodgate says:

    Attaining “purity” is always a hard road to travel. I empathize

  9. On the bright side, propofol, also known as Jackson-juice due to the gloved one’s last dose of it, will help you take the best nap you’ve ever had. I was genuinely disappointed to learn that my next dose will be years away, due to my sparkling report. If your heinie doctor doesn’t use propofol to knock you out, tell him 1point says he better start!

    • omawarisan says:

      I’m not sure what they used. I do know that I was asking the doctor questions while they were loading up my IV with it. I asked him how long I would be out. He told me fifteen minutes. I felt the fifteen minutes about to begin and said “no further questions your honor.”

      I passed gas and woke myself up in the recovery room.

      • Fortunately, the farts post colonoscopy are of the benign sort, and everyone else in the room is tooting from behind their respective curtains.

        It’s rather surreal in a flatulent sort of way. Apparently, the docs pump you full of air to get everything open and photogenic. I hope you ordered a few extra wallet sizes.

  10. benzeknees says:

    You were asleep? I was in twilight for mine & I watched the whole thing on the monitor. I got to see how clean & pink & pretty I was inside. I had a little sleep in the recovery room, but also woke myself up passing gas. I was apologizing all over the place but the nurse reassured me it was perfectly normal & would aid in me leaving the hospital sooner. BTW, you are no longer full of it!

  11. Oh, dear. The worst 12 or so hours of your life, for sure. What an awful prep to go through. I’m facing it again this coming year. Haven’t “they” figured out a better way, yet? Couldn’t I just eat several vats of beans beforehand?

  12. I have my doubts….. Good Luck.

  13. It’s like water spraying out of your ass. So disturbing. And then you leave, only to run back. Bring a couple of books or an iPad. Or a friend to talk to.

  14. spencercourt says:

    Hey..you got the good (and expensive) stuff! That’s what they initially tried to give me but it was like $40 co-pay. When I called the doc and asked about it, they said it was “gentler” than what we had used before, which was only $7 co-pay. Now I don’t know how a laxative can be “gentle” but the $7 was never a problem so we got that instead. Besides, the $7 one comes in a nice gallon container that has a handle and can be reused (and I do) even if it has a unique look and most folks know what was in it….

  15. I am having some horrible flashbacks here.

  16. It was a three step process when I did it. Three glorious, miserable steps. Praying all went well.

  17. planetross says:

    At annual health checks, after the stomach check, that involves drinking chalky liquid, they give pills to counteract the constipational qualities of the chalky liquid. (bempi is the Japanese word for constipation)
    All is right with the world in about 1 hour for me.

    note: I liked the Journey video in another’s comment, but I think Whitesnake is more appropriate in this instance:


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