My Chat With The Star Of The Film, Argo

Not appearing in this post. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There’s a lot of buzz about the Academy Award nominated movie Argo. I think we all know how driven I am by buzz, but this time it has driven me farther than ever. And guess who benefits? You.

You benefit because I was able to get an interview with the star of her own biographical film – the Argo Corn Maiden! Because the video is still being edited, I am providing this transcript from the raw interview footage.

Omawarisan: Argo, thanks for taking time out of your busy day to do this interview. You look, well, unbelievable.

Argo: Thanks Oma. I try. I’m careful about what I eat and I get lots of rest.

Omawarisan: At the risk of making this uncomfortable right away, I’ve just got to tell you that I’ve never seen a body like yours.

Argo, rocking the corn starch world for over a century (Photo credit: daveboudreau)

Argo: (rolling her eyes) I know, I know, I hear it all the time. Guys always muttering about wanting to get in my husk. I’d really just like to be known for my work.

Omawarisan: I can understand that. Your work seems as fresh as ever, some would say classic. How do you keep focused on a career that started in the early 1900′s?

Argo: What I do is important to me. I try to remember that even though I’ve been on that box millions of times, when a box hits the shelf I’ve got one chance to catch that shopper’s attention. I’m proud to say I’ve gotten good at it.

Omawarisan: Let’s talk about your new project, the movie.

Argo: (questioningly) The…movie?

Omawarisan: Yes, the new biographical piece, Argo. You had the chance to act with such a talented cast – Ben Affleck, Bryan Cranston, Alan Arkin – what was it like on the set with these actors from different generations?

Argo: I…I don’t really know.

Omawarisan: Oh, I see. You filmed your scenes and they cut them in to what those guys were doing on another set.

Argo: Well, it’s…like…I wasn’t in the film.

Omawarisan: (trying not to embarrass her) Well, that is a shame and a huge mistake on the producer’s part. It is hard to argue that you weren’t cut out to play yourself in your own biography.

Argo: I’m here because you think that movie is about me? Have you even seen it?

Omawarisan: Well, in all honesty, no. But you don’t think John Stewart reads all those books his guests write, do you?

For what it is worth, he is aware he isn’t me.(Photo credit: phil dokas)

Argo: You aren’t John Stewart.

Omawarisan: Point taken.

Argo: Did you even see the TV commercials for the movie? I’m curious what part of those made you think there was a role for a corn maiden in that story.

Omawarisan: I suppose I thought that they were holding back.

Argo: No one holds back in those ads. They always show all the best parts.

Omawarisan: So you’re saying that if you had been in the film, you would be among the best parts.

Argo: I am a freaking corn maiden. THE Corn Maiden. Of course I would.

Omawarisan: I thought Affleck had an ego, geez

Argo: I’m sitting right here, I can hear you.

Omawarisan:…and you’re all ears?

Argo: I’m outta here. (Gets up and walks away)

Omawarisan: Well folks, there you have it. Argo has stalked off from the interview after it was…

Argo: (in the distance) I heard that!

Omawarisan: (yelling back) All ears!

Argo: (still distant) Point taken! (a door slams)

Omawarisan: You heard it here first. The great film, Argo, has no connection to its inspiration – the woman on the front of the corn starch box.