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Hi, Welcome To The End Of The World.

Hi, welcome to the end of the world. I hope you’re enjoying it so far.

Fan

The Fan, ready to be hit by…you know. (Photo credit: Ryk Neethling)

Just as I’ve done during many of the other ends of the world, I will go to work. The only end of the world that I recall not being scheduled to work was the big one we called Y2K.

I was on standby for Y2K. The plan was for me to get some rest in case my services were needed for the apocalypse. In the event someone took hostages as the world was ending I would be contacted via my ultra modern text pager. As things turned out, there was not a need for post-apocalyptic crisis negotiation. My bosses had encouraged me to rest so I’d be ready. When they decided that I would not be brought in to save lives that would be later snuffed out as the world completed its destruction, they paged me three times to let me know I could go back to sleep.

For this end of the world, I am not involved in any sort of special plan. I’ll report to my usual duty station and be in position to handle all end of the world related matters that occur within my assigned area. After my 8 hour shift is over, I will head home and deal with the destruction there.

I’ve decided that as I find damage related to the end of the planet I will not repair it. It just seems futile to do that. The best course of action seems to be to observe the damage to satisfy my own curiosity. At the end of the world, curiosity doesn’t kill the cat. No, this cat’s curiosity has landed on its feet during all prior scheduled apocalypses.

The one thing I know about the end of the world is that it is date driven. It always is. So, since this apocalypse is starting on December 21 and that date dawns from east to west across the globe just like all others, some of my subscribers will have already experienced the end of the world by the time I publish this. If this post is reaching you after the end of the world, I am sorry. I’ve appreciated your willingness to read my ramblings.

My thanks also extend to those of you who are reading this before it really hits the fan. If you have a moment during the end of the world, please report on how the apocalypse is treating you. Is it the end of the world where you are? What’re you up to? What are you seeing? Were you able to see the end of the world coming from the east? Feel free to come back throughout the end of the world to update your experiences.

Buh-bye. Y’all enjoy.

P.S. Elvis Costello will still be cool after the world ends.

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33 Comments on “Hi, Welcome To The End Of The World.”

  1. Todd says:

    In the event the Mayans are wrong, please stand by for an amended apocalyptic schedule.

  2. Z.N. Singer says:

    The great thing about the MAYAN end of the world prediction is, there’s nobody to go up and say, ‘oops, we got it wrong, but THIS is the date when it’s REALLY going to happen.’ They’re all dead, so it’s one shot only.

  3. I really enjoyed this. I would probably enjoy it more if I wasn’t still packing to move on that end of the world day. I keep thinking I should just leave everything ’cause it will be gone anyway. But just in case, I am back to my boxes. ;-)

  4. We had a snowy Apocalypse Eve….Nice. My friends in Australia have informed us, “all is well” but I was pretty sure it would be because after all if the Myans were so good at predicting the future there would still be Myans. Happy Solstice.

  5. Laura says:

    I have a 9am meeting. I’m thinking about skipping it and explaining that I didn’t set my alarm clock because I thought the world was going to end.

  6. AiXeLsyD13 says:

    Good soundtrack for ultimate destruction! I was in a cabin in the woods for Y2K… I was kind of sad when nothing happened even though I knew nothing would.

    I was hoping for at least a magnetic pole shift today… Or maybe even some alien visitors. Oh well, whack jobs or another ancient civilization will have to predict the next one. Mayne the Aztecs or Incas?

  7. It’s raining here. The dog just went out in it, so I’m assuming that the rain is composed of water and not battery acid or frogs. I was toying with the idea of putting a snort of booze in my last cup of coffee before the world ends, but I have to drive to work, and don’t want to risk getting a DUI during the end of days.

  8. Christy says:

    Think about being a Mayan. You would hear the calendar maker chiseling centuries of calendars into stone all day long, Tap tap tap, clink clink clink….nonstop for probably decades. I think someone finally couldn’t take it anymore and either tied him to a tree or broke his chisel. Maybe it was just was a coincidence that it was today’s date when the village was silenced.

    • omawarisan says:

      Ah hah! So those who think this is the end, think it is today because some Mayans had just about enough and this is the anniversay of that date. I think the date was Lizard, Potato, Wiggly man, Maize (you call it corn)

  9. Wendy says:

    Looks like it is shaping up to be a routine Last Day here, too. This is a scheduled vacation day for me, which was very poor planning on my part. I should have taken it earlier, as it will have been wasted once we’re all gone. Next apocalypse, I will choose more wisely!

  10. Well, it’s 6:20 am here in Idaho where I sit. My two Boston Terriers are sleeping soundly nearby. I’ve got a delicious cup of java and it’s Friday. No one can take that away from me. Not even the Mayans, who, I hear are laughing at all of the people who have prepared for the end.

  11. We Found Him Captain! says:

    You may not believe this but the only Mayan still living is coming to visit me today on the 10:30 flight from Hoboken. We are going to wax my pickup truck and go to Costco’s for a hot dog and some beer. By the way my Mayan friends last name is Naise. Years ago when we were in grammar school together everyone called him Mayan Naise.

  12. Ms. PC says:

    I was in high school during Y2K and it was my first experience with mass idiocy for its own sake. I was legit concerned about future generations judging us for freaking out because of a date change, and my having to explain to my future children that we really really didn’t think it was the end of the world.

  13. robincoyle says:

    My corner of the world is still standing. How is yours?

  14. And Elvis Presley will still be spotted in random spots.


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