I Want To Be A Socialite
Posted: November 16, 2012 Filed under: Foolishness | Tags: comedy, current events, David Petraeus, humor, Jill Kelley, news, postaweek, Socialite 26 Comments »
Hey, John. I read your book. I really liked it. Wanna know how much? (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
General/Spy King David Petraeus, certainly puts everything he’s got into expressing his appreciation for authors, doesn’t he?
Now that we’ve got that joke out of the way, let’s move on.
There’s one positive that I’m taking from this “General/Biographer, alleged sex, alleged threatening e-mails to socialite who allegedly e-mailed another General (with a shirtless FBI agent thrown in to make it interesting)” situation. That one positive is that I’m glad to see the return of the word “socialite” to the public eye.
I’ve often wondered about socialites. Who are they? How do they get that gig? I decided to look into the matter.
I looked into it by consulting the oracle of all things – Wikipedia:
A socialite participates in social activities and spends a significant amount of time entertaining and being entertained at fashionable events attended by others of similar standing.
Hmm…
According to the Wall Street Journal, this is the FBI Agent who is in the middle of the Petraeus/Broadwell/Kelley madness. Is it me, or… (image via WSJ.com
Being a socialite doesn’t seem like such a bad deal. I think I want to be one.
Some of you are thinking that I can’t be a socialite because I’m a guy. Sure, most people who the socialite term is connected to look better in a dress than I do. However, Wikipedia does not say anything about gender qualifying or disqualifying someone for the job. Socialite does not seem to be a gender specific term. I think I’m as entitled to the position as much as anyone else is.
I am entitled to earn the position. Earn it, I will.
My Qualifications Match The Job Description
“A socialite participates in social activities…”
My life is not a perpetual party. I’d happily get involved in social activities. Additionally, I’ve been a participant throughout my life. I have Honorable Mention ribbons to prove my commitment to participation.
“…spends a significant amount of time entertaining…”
…could he be moonlighting? (image via bbbscm.wordpress.com)
I don’t spend much time entertaining. Entertaining sounds fun, I think I’d be good at throwing parties. The fact that I work for a living has curtailed my party planning. Work, work, work. I work weekdays. I work weekends.
But in the not so distant future, I will retire. Retirement will free up my suppressed party planning energy. With additional time available, I will be able to do things like buying beer and pizza. I’ll compile lists of people to invite to my events.
I’ll roam my parties, greeting and cutting up with my guests. Generally, I’ll be entertaining, but I won’t entertain Generals. Back off, Petraeus. Entertaining will take up a significant amount of time.
“…and being entertained at fashionable events…”
I like entertainment and being entertained. Music, yeah. Jokes, yeah. Entertainment, what’s not to like?
Fashionable. I think my friends can testify to my fashion sense.
“…attended by others of similar standing.”
Events that I attend are magnets for people who are a lot like me. Similar standing? Please. When I show up somewhere I know there will be other old coots like me there. We are social, we are entertained, and many of us can stand for the better part of the night.
Is There A Committee?
There’s no question that I am qualified to be a socialite. I’m just not sure who to apply to, or who to ask. If any of you know where I should go to start my career as a socialite, I’d appreciate your input.
If any of you should happen to see General Petraeus reading anything that I’ve written, please let me know so I can hide. I appreciate all my readers. Just not that guy.
I think “socialite” is fancy name for unemployed. So if you are really interested in a career of socialite, you’ll need to talk to your boss.
Hilarious, List of X!
Unemployed, yet somehow able to go anywhere.
Simply send in your application to the Bureau of Shallow and Self-Indulgent. The tricky part is deciding what to wear for the interview.
Ahhh the BSS-I, of course.
This occupation wouldn’t work for me. I’m social-lite.
Not even if you get to claim diplomatic immunity?
And being an Introvert, it’s out of the question for me, unless I get a stand-in. I couldn’t tolerate all the dressing up and the high heels. I go to a party and I’m thinking the entire time, “When can I just call it a night?” And I’d have to talk about stuff that other people want to talk about. I don’t do fancy, so balls would be out. (!) Plus, I just don’t like people that much.
If balls were out, you wouldn’t be wearing high heels. (!)
Yes, but remember: Those who can, do, and those who can’t, socialize and, also, engage in sexting.
My grandfather used to tell me that back in the 70′s. Neither of us knew what he meant at the time.
You’re just toying with us here, aren’t you? You don’t really want to be a socialite, do you? With all that paparazzi and all? Well, okay, if you insist. But first, read this (http://www.wikihow.com/Become-a-Socialite) and see if that description fits. You might want to change your mind afterward. Just sayin’!
I just dont want to sleep with generals. I can endure a lot of other things.
I want to be a socialite too so I can crash parties at the White House. Wanna come with me?
Ok, but only if you promise not to run off with some guitar player.
Well why not! I think you would make the ideal Socialite.
Thank you for your support!
I always confuse socialites with socialists.
One thing that seemed to be overlooked was having the dough to party elegantly – or at all. Are you sure this is how you want to spend that pension money?
Youre right. I need backers. And I need a return on their investment.
Uh oh.
You can;t be a socialite without a sex tape. you need to get working on that and leak it before you start making nay big plans
That could be a problem. Can it just be a drawing?
One requirement for socialite status is to have a serious spray tan addiction.
If I were going to tan, I’d go spray. Far better than melanoma.
It sounds like a kool gig but I imagine it might ware thin after awhile. A lot of primping and preening seems necessary and that can be exhausting.
By the way, thank you for pointing to the Autism link on you side panel. My family has been reading it. Do you have a connection?
I’m hoping i get a pass on preening. My hair is too short to preen.
Mary, who runs that autism site, pops up here pretty regularly. I read it and it seemed like the thing to do. I’m keeping that link there.
Here is the post from when it went up:
http://blurtblog.net/2011/04/08/so-there-i-was-minding-my-own-business/