The Policies Of My Administration: No Mattresses On Top Of CarsPosted: July 13, 2012
Man is, by nature, a nomadic creature.
Some of our ancestors moved to follow prey. Some of them moved to where they could gather more nuts and berries. Today we look for better living conditions or to be closer to the ones that we love. Career changes drive many to opt to head for another place. Moving is what we do.
When I take over running the world, I’m going to move somewhere nice. The house won’t be over the top, but the site will be breathtaking.
The other thing that I know is true about my move to greener pastures – I will be in full compliance with my administration’s policy on moving.
They Loaded Up The Truck…
There are many ways for people to get their stuff from their old residence to the new. Companies make a lot of money moving belongings between residents. I’ve given friends pizza and beer to help me move in a rented truck. The Beverly Hillbillies piled all their things on Jed’s old truck and headed off to Beverlyyyyy.
This policy is aimed at the people who insist on following the Hillbillies moving model.
It Is Good To Be Economical
I understand that people want to hang on to their money. Paying someone to box up their belongings and transport them across town is expensive. Loading things into their cars or trucks saves cash.
My administration is in favor of people doing it themselves, of getting help from friends and of sharing beer and pizza with helpful friends.
There is a limit to how much “do it yourself” my administration is going to put up with from movers. That limit is the subject of this policy.
When I take power, it will be illegal to transport a mattress or box spring on top of a car. There will be no exceptions.
I realize that there are some sensible people who strap their bedding securely to their cars before moving it across town. It is, however, dangerous to make any exceptions to this policy. We have all seen people who tie a mattress to the top of their sedan with a single strand of twine. These fools expect the twine to keep their payload in place in the face of the sixty mile per hour headwind generated by their car moving up the road.
Some might ask, “why must we all suffer because of some fools with mattresses and twine?” That is not an unreasonable question. Here is the not unreasonable answer. No one may move a mattress on top of a car because of fools with mattresses and twine AND because there are people who don’t even tie mattresses down – they just try to hold it down with one hand while driving with the other.
When I am in charge, it will be illegal to move a mattress on top of a car or in any vehicle that exposes that mattress to wind resistance. This will make the world a safer place for everyone.
It will also allow entrepreneurial sorts to start mattress moving businesses. Imagine the new jobs that will result! Sure, they are lousy jobs moving stinky, used bedding, but come on, jobs!
I have been nearly hit by flying mattresses far too many times. I am ending it as a problem, before you or I finally get hit.
Safety and jobs, what’s not to like?