Resolving An Important Father And Son DebatePosted: May 18, 2012
Today, I present to you a post that has been jointly authored with The Omawari-son (who blogs under the name Greenwuf). For years we have debated an important issue and have decided that the only way to resolve it is to bring it to you for a vote. After this introduction is a photo of what we have battled about. After both our arguments, please let us know which of us is correct about that something by voting and commenting.
First, the ground rules.
- Each of us has written our argument without seeing what the other has written. Any references we make to what the other may have said are from memory of past verbal debates on the topic.
- The Omawari-son emailed me his argument and I pasted it in as written.
- The order the arguments were determined by a coin flip.
- The decision of the voters will be binding upon us both.
Here is a picture of the item in question. One of us says that this is a child. The other says it is a turtle.
This Is A Turtle (Omawarisan’s Argument)
My son is wrong. He has been for several years. I don’t hold it against him that he is wrong.
I just hold it against him that he refuses to learn from his ongoing mistake. This important debate has raged between us. I look forward to you helping me prove to him that there is no shame in changing his position to the correct one.
The item in question is, without question, a turtle and not a child. Let’s discuss.
Do You Know Any Green People?
I know a gentleman whose last name is Green. He is not a turtle, but he is quite the squirrel.
People are not green, even if that is their last name. Turtles are green. Human children are not green.
When I’ve pointed this out to the Omawari-son, he presents a nonsensical argument. He says that the color of the plastic is not there to reflect the skin tone of the character represented. Green was just a choice made by the manufacturer.
Come on, does he really think that I don’t know that plastic comes in whatever color best suits the purpose? I was alive when plastic was invented. No one would make a child character and then pick green plastic to represent that character. They wouldn’t, unless that child was a turtle, which he clearly is.
The Turtle As A Metaphor
The point of this device is to let drivers know that children are likely to be playing in the area. Why would you want to do this? So that they will drive slowly, in the interest of the safety of those children.
Who better to represent the concept of slow than a turtle? Turtles have always been the symbol of measured, sure progress. Perhaps you recall the fable of The Tortoise And The Hare. In that story, the Tortoise was able to reach his goal though he did not move as quickly as The Hare.
The message of the turtle character represented here is clear. Move steadily, with caution, and we’ll all be better off.
Meeeee Shellllll, My Belle…
Examine the back of the figure, the part where there is a handle cut in it. I find that very shell like, don’t you? I thought so. Children don’t have shells.
My son counters that this rounded area is not intended to represent a shell. Instead, he sees it as a backpack.
A backpack? What child plays with a backpack on? I know one guy who would not have gone out to play had his father insisted he carry a backpack while doing so. And that same guy will look me in the eye and make that backpack argument with a straight face. I think it was John McEnroe who once said “you cannot be serious”.
John, I think he is.
This Is A Child (The Omawari-son’s Argument)
Hello, I’m the Omawarison also known as Greenwuf, and I believe that the children at play sign is in the shape of a kid, not a turtle. I’m not fully aware of what my old man has told you, but it’s all wrong. Well, that’s my argument. I hope I’ve convinced you.
Wait. Never mind. After considering this tough and important issue for the amount of time it took you to scroll down, I have come up with evidence supporting my claim. Thank you for scrolling.
1- Turtles do not have opposable thumbs
We all have seen these signs. Bright yellow, kid shaped, and holding a flag. This is just one of the reasons the child at play signs are in the shape of a kid. Opposable thumbs. We tend to take these appendages for granted, but when considered, we are one of few species on this earth to have them. You know, besides monkeys. But they aren’t part of this.
Turtles clearly do not have opposable thumbs and thus, would not be able to hold a flag. If a turtle was able to hold such a flag, I’m sure we would notice a turtle being able to grip things. People would take notice of a turtle’s ability to hold a flag. So have we seen a turtle holding anything? Nope. All I’ve seen in terms of turtles with odd bodily alterations are two-headed turtles. Clearly that doesn’t not help.
2- Turtles are no help
Wait, you might say, clearly this turtle is personified. Giving this turtle human traits has given it the ability to hold flags and do people things. Okay, I’ll roll with it. Say it is personified.
Have you ever seen a personified turtle helping anyone? Clearly they are too busy doing other things with their newfound abilities rather than standing around all day holding up a single flag to protect some kid in a neighborhood.
I know I would. Imagine not having the ability to do things like people or even opposable thumbs. Suddenly you have them. What would you think? “Let me go hold this flag for some kid I don’t know all day,” or “Woah. I have thumbs! I’m gonna go try this human thing called ice cream!”
Just look to The University Of Maryland mascot for example. He is too busy covering himself up with letters to help someone. Hey that’s his prerogative. If I didn’t know what pants were I’d grab the closest thing to cover up too. I just wish he would learn soon.
3- Signs tend to show or take the form of what they are about
Have you ever seen a deer crossing sign that instead had a picture of a tyrannosaurus on it? Should such a sign occur would you think “Oh! A deer crossing. I’d better be careful,” or “What the heck was that?”
The sign is meant to say: “Caution. Kids are playing here. Slow your car.” Not “Slow down for the turtles!” It is a sign made for the safety of kids. Clearly it must represent that which it is attempting to protect. Otherwise, there may be some confusion.
4- Sellers of the sign claim it is in the shape of a kid
Finally I present to you, the most clear piece of evidence. A company that sells the sign claims it is a “Child-like figure.” The company selling them must know what it is. It is their product after all. Furthermore, the site never even hints at a turtle. The description can be found here: http://www.safetythink.com/Child+Safety/Children+at+Play+Signs+-+Kid+Alert+VWS .
I thank you for reading my argument on this important debate. Clearly this is an issue that affects us all, and the thing I agree with Omawarisan on is that this is an important issue that affects us all…especially in these hard times.
Now it is time for voting and commentary. Who is right?