War Horse: A Plot Summary
Posted: January 6, 2012 Filed under: Foolishness, Movie reviews | Tags: comedy, film, humor, Man O'War, movies, samenvatting, Steven Spielberg, War Horse, World War I 39 Comments »One of the big movies this weekend is War Horse. I’ve seen the commercials. I have no intention of seeing the movie.
Image via Wikipedia
I have already reviewed and revealed the story of another movie I had no intention to see. I’m pretty sure I was spot on that time, though I didn’t see the movie to confirm I was right. Because of my high level of accuracy, if you intend to see War Horse I must warn you not to continue reading this post.
Are They Still Here?
OK, good. Let’s move on. Based completely on what I’ve seen on television commercials and remember from high school history class, here is the story of War Horse:
Archduke Ferdinand was riding around in his car when some guy assassinated him.
Unlike so many other men named Ferdinand, the archduke was a pretty popular guy. All the countries of Europe got upset and just started fighting each other. Have you ever seen a cowboy movie where they are in a saloon, two guys start fighting and then everyone in the bar just gets up and starts fighting each other for no good reason? It was like that except, without a piano player in the corner.
Then one day, some men came to the farm. They bought the horse, along with all the other horses and put them on a train. The horse heard he was going to the big war. The scene closes with the horse’s head sticking out the window of the train, screaming “I don’t want to go, I don’t have a dog in the fiiiiiiiiiight”.
There is a brief segment of the horse, now renamed War Horse, in England with the other horses who were drafted to fight in the war. They were all different and fought amongst themselves. In the end, they realized that they were all there for the same thing and they were stronger as unit then they were as individuals. So it was off to mainland Europe, where the bulk of the story takes place.
In Europe, stuff kept happening that startled War Horse. Each time he ran and ran. He ran until he got tired. The army would capture him and send him back, and he’d run again. War Horse realized that war is hell. In that way, he was so much smarter than all the leaders who started the fight when Archduke Ferdinand died. War Horse’s realization was the origin of the phrase horse sense.
The End
He won a lot of races and got this cool statue (Image via Wikipedia)
Eventually the war ended. Nothing was really accomplished by this war, as is the case with most wars and cowboy bar fights. Archduke Ferdinand was still dead. War Horse went to war a colt and came back a changed horse. Those who stayed behind welcomed him back to the pasture.
Like so many of our youth who are sent off to fight for their country for hazy reasons, War Horse found himself struggling to make ends meet when he got home. Eventually, he changed his name to Man O’ War and found work running at the race track. He had great experience at running in the war and it showed. His racing career was highly successful. On the list of the top 100 race horses of the twentieth century, he is ranked first.
War Horse/Man O’ War dictated his memoir, then passed on peacefully surrounded by family.
Fade To Black
Roll Credits
My son’s summary: There was this horse, and there was a war.
The End. That boy has a future in screenwriting.
Your summary, although not like the film, should be made into movie or a TV show starring both Charlie Sheen (as the horse) and Ashton Kutcher (as the young girl who dies). The male lead could be Justin Bieber. I actually liked the film a lot, but I would go to see your version as well.
You are so silly. There’s no girl, that’s one of the problems with the film.
Thanks for saving me $10.
Certainly sir.
Wish I could help you with the kids wanting the Happy Meal “with toys inspired by War Horse”. The Archduke Ferdinand play set is going to be particularly sought after.
I like any movie about horses. I’m going right out tonight and see this film! Thanks for the praising review. It has encouraged me.
I try to be encouraging, or something.
Maybe if the movie was ‘Horse War’, I’d go see it. That would be pretty rad! Horses fighting each other with knife and ninja stars.
“Luke, I am your sire”.
Star Wars…Horse Wars…ok never mind!
Welcome to Blurt!
I would agree with your summary, which is why I opted to go see The Devil Inside Me this evening. Summary: exorcism… same old, same old. I did, however, get to sit next to a group of hoodrats that couldn’t put away their damn phones. Now I remember why I rarely see movies in theaters.
It was their friends calling, telling them they should have gone to the movie with the Archduke in it.
It’s the classic story: boy meets horse, boy loses horse, army takes horse, army loses horse, horse wins race.
And they lived happily ever after…
I might give it a miss now anyway. I watched some trite with Keira Knightley about World War II and they shot horses on the beach. Now people, that’s fine. I could find you at least 2,000 people who need shooting without even really having to break into a sweat, but horses?!
Now you have reassured me the horse is alright, I’ve no need to watch it. I was afraid it would end up on the meat counter in a French supermarket…
Auuugh. I couldn’t have put up with that.
You realize I almost skipped reading this post, don’t you? I mean, I don’t handle the death of animals very well. I refused to see War Horse because (aside from being ignorant to history), I was afraid he was going to die. Then, when you started writing the plot, I was afraid – the horse was going to die. My hands are sweaty, Oma. I feared for the loss of the horse. (Or maybe it is the second cup of coffee – whatever.)
Because Gullible is my middle name, did you really just share a bit of condensed history? Did that horse just run away from the war – while the stupid humans tried to fight it? Man. That’s brilliance. And that, my friend, is why I always root for the animals in movies – they are way smarter than the average bear – er man.
Good stuff here. Thanks for sharing.
I think him running while they kept fighting is the only possible wy the film could go. I say yes, that happened.
Clearly this movie is a rip-off of Legends of the Fall , unless. . . did the horse by any chance resemble Brad Pitt?
I wonder if the memoir comes with a free cd or at least explains the lyrics to “Take Me Out.”
You are so silly. He didn’t fall, that’s why War Horse/Man O’ War won all those races. And Brad Pitt doesn’t look like a horse. Cher does.
The memoir does come with a CD that explains the video for Take Me On.
If you had been to the theater you would have known about the shocking ending where War Horse had a good death by way of being eaten by a Kodiak bear while wearing a ratty mink coat.
Tragic but moving.
Because War Horse was completely bald at the end. He was like a Manx Horse.
I’m so relieved there was a happy ending for the War Horse. He lived to tell another tail. Oops. And thank you for filling in the large, chasm-like gaps in my knowledge of world history.
Thank you. In my extensive research on Archduke Ferdinand I discovered more that u think will be another post.
Seems they stole the plot from another movie….did they steal that movie’s top line too – Run, War Horse, Run!
No, War Horse/Man O’War wrote his autobiography way before that movie.
“War Horse’s realization was the origin of the phrase horse sense.” – another mystery solved!
I try! Sadly his was the first example of horse sense not moving up toward management.
The bar room brawl is the perfect way to describe the start of World War 1. That is so exact.
It works for what happened, doesn’t it?
I never understood those scenes in cowboy movies. Two guys start fighting at the bar, at a table, another guy just blasts his friend in the face. Why?
I wanted to go see this one until my son told me the horse died. I had a sneaking suspicion that was probably going to happen; his “confirmation” solidified it. So I saved myself a few bucks by not going to see something I couldn’t bear to watch. Now you tell me the horse lived. Hmmm. That makes me even more confused!
I’m pretty sure mine is accurate, since I didn’t see the movie. Just in case though, maybe you should stay with skipping it.
The poster looks good. Don’t need to see the film. I think I’ll go and see The Artist instead.
A good call!
I can’t quit you.
Great title for a no-possible-chance-of-an-award romantic comedy.
Right to DVD with that one.
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When I was in college everyone used to drop archduke Ferdinand’s name thinking it was intellectual sexual napalm. Hot girls with glasses would unpin their hair and pull the sexy hidden librarian strip tease EVERY TIME.
I hesitated to even write of him for that reason. I can’t be responsible for a baby boomlet.