Pre-rapture Self Portrait Of Me, Post Rapture
Posted: May 21, 2011 Filed under: Foolishness | Tags: comedy, current events, end of the world, Harold Camping, humor, news, North Carolina, postaweek2011, rapture, thoughts 41 Comments »The newest end of the world is scheduled for today. Conveniently, this time it is going to end at 6 p.m. local time, whatever 6 p.m. local time is for you.
That is kind of nice, because you certainly want be able schedule your activities and maybe get a pizza delivered in time. If you order pizza, consider really tipping the delivery person an outrageous amount, at least $400. It will make what’s left of their day, and you’re not really losing anything by doing it.
Also, if I am thinking correctly given this time zone thing, the end of the world will be moving east to west. This is really going to be helpful for those who live on or are visiting the east coast of the Americas. Folks there should be able to see it coming across the water. West Coast people won’t be as lucky. Those folks will have to wait for the end to clear the mountain ranges, so it wont be as visually impressive.
I went ahead and took a photo of what I guess is going to be left on my couch if we zapped out of our clothes or whatever:
I live in North Carolina, so if you are west of there and see a naked, near-sighted middle aged guy running toward you, it might be me. Say hi and start running.
If it’s not me, and I’m sure it won’t be, see you here on Monday.
(First the Koran burning yahoo, now this coot. Why do we give extremists such attention?)
Wow! Isn’t this weird? it’s the end and I’m first. Anyway, letters of congratulations are being accepted until 5:55pm today. After that I will be hiding under my super fortified deck holding a candle any my rosary beads and mumbling to gumma Nokell in Hoboken into my cell phone.
Only one person knows who that is and he should be calling me trying to get her phone number before 6 pm.
I’ve got it memorized, but I’ll call anyhow.
liked your blog a lot. It’s all very peculiar- these [redictions. Ironically, news channels in India where i live actually endorse and glorify such things. Like, yesterday there was one news show dedicated to this topic, they had got a scientist to talk who gave sensible advice about how all this is rubbish and that it was a big marketing game in the US. But today, the same channel- india tv (terribly infamous for yellow journalism) aired an indianise version of this ‘doomsday scare’. ok They invited one mad looking jyotshi (meaning priest or astrologer) who started this hyper monologue saying that people needed to be extra careful because today is a very unlucky day according to planets.
Welcoime and thank you. I’m not sure if I’m glad to know this foolishness extends beyond my culture or not!
You’re a pretty powerful guy, Omawarisan. I’d be grateful if you’d arrange for this to happen AFTER I attend the Red Sox v. Cubs game tonight at Fenway.
you got tickets to that and I’m powerful?
jealous of your tix. i’ll be watching from my apartment in virginia. the red sox/cubs game, that is.
Geez, Oma…did you sleep in your clothes?
I’m still confused about this whole time thing…I’ve got two birthday cakes to make this afternoon…wonder if I’ll have time?
Wendy
he he he…I had to use that shirt no matter what. in this case, what was in the hamper.
I don’t have enough energy to start running. I’m far-sighted, though, so I’ll see you coming in time enough to step aside. Good luck on your way!
Ok, don’t be insulted that I dont recognize you until I’m closer.
You always make me think about things I hadn’t thought about before. I’m not ironing anything today either! After all, who’s going to be left to see it? Why would I want to waste 2 minutes of the last day of my life ironing?
Now what to do with my remaining 7 hours? Hmmmmmmm
Maybe I’ll wash my windows instead.
So…is Ausralia gone yet?
Or maybe even Australia? You know…that OTHER country?
Ironing is so overrated when the world is ending. I think Oz survived, along with the rest of us
I was worried yesterday about the time thing because I had a mammogram this morning and the thought of being caught that way is mortifying but it hasn’t hit yet so I’m out of the woods. I got my hair done yesterday so I’m going to be adorable for the event. When you’re running around naked if you make it to California (because you’re THAT kind of athlete) I’ll be the girl with the short curly “sassy red hair.” I had to get that last part in because someone said that about me today and I feel the need to brag to anyone who will listen.
http://www.hark.com/clips/wqflklzbsf-i-just-stepped-in-a-big-pile-of-sassy#
Ha!
It’s 10.16pm UK time. The world is still standing. I enjoyed a lovely barbeque at a friends house this afternoon, followed by home made cheesecake. See you on Monday.
Now that is enjoying the end of the world in style.
Well at least I have a nice new pair of tennis shoes!
Nike?
Good thing that I checked your blog, because I got so busy watering the plants that I might have missed it. I wonder if gardeners can participate in the Rapture?
I think my watch is not set correctly. I always get messed up with the time change. Nothing has happened, yet.
Guess I’ll just sit on the patio and watch the sky. Rapture sounds like fun; however, I hear the naughty kids have to hang around for five months getting tortured or something.
No–I don’t think I am experiencing Rapture, yet.
I tried to be nice . . .
Good point on the watch. If yours is messed up do you get hit later?
I think it was supposed to be moving East to West as the sun does, but it all seems to be a moot point now. Oh well, there’s always December!
and 2012 is coming.
First, thanks for letting us see the famous ‘Seals’ jersey. Second, if there’s another rapture, and I survive (cuz I will), can I have the jersey?
Yes, but you must use the jersey’s powers for good and not evil
Crap! I didn’t buy lottery tickets, change my winter tires to summer, go shopping, cut my fingernails, clean my toilet, … because of this!
Who predicted this? He needs a punch in the head. When I say stuff nobody listens. Why do people listen to people like this? It’s not like they are weathermen or anything!!!
He does need a punch in the head. I think today is his announcement as to why it didnt happen.
He forgot to carry a one and it should have been in October. Round two anyone? Sheese!
It’s happening!!!
It’s happening!!!
There is a huge blimp overhead and 2 police helicopters!!
3 small low flying aircraft pulling banners announcing it!!!!!
It is happening!!!
For real!
Oh wait it’s The Preakness…
The Preakness? Another Marylander?
Thank god it’s Sunday and I’m still here. Although today is His day, I’m sure glad it wasn’t His day to rapture everybody.
The worst of it is that nobody gave me their life savings, home, or even a car as a “goodbye” gift….
I love that you included your glasses. It resolves for me the whole mystery of whether or not they go with us when we’re gone.
[...] Burtville, Southern USA [...]
You would agree to the rapture if you could not take your Seals shirt?
If you don’t bring your Seals shirt with you, how are you going to tell that “Are you a Navy Seal?” story in heaven?
Anywho, I think Family Radio got so much attention because its followers spent so much money on outdoor advertising. They did a good job of marketing the Apocalypse.
Phew! So glad that whole Rapture thing fizzled out … I would have missed you! And my opportunity to ask who the Seals are and what sport they play.