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I Will Nominate You For The Nobel Prize

If this is what you want, it is an innovation. I don't want it. (image via thinkgeek.com

In several catalogs, I have seen a new brownie pan designed to make sure that each brownie has at least two crusty edges.

This all edges brownie pan seems to be being marketed as an advance in making brownies. If you’re the sort of person who is a fan of the crusty edges of brownies, it may just be the sort of advance you’ve hoped for.

I’m Not That Sort Of Person

I am a fan of the portion of the brownies closest to the center of the pan. That position implies a lack of the crusty edge bits. I value the inner succulence of a pan  of brownies, not the drier edge. The inner succulence produces the best, most delicious brownies.

The all edge brownie pan is no innovation to me. To me, an innovation would be a pan that increases my enjoyment of brownies by decreasing the crust, not increasing it.

I Want To Reward The Kind Of Innovation I Value

Marie Curie

People will speak of you and Marie Curie in the same breath! I think we both know which of you will be the snappier dresser. (Image via Wikipedia)

I considered endowing a prize like the Nobel Prize. My prize would reward the kind of research that led to improvements to humanity like a crustless brownie pan.

After some thought, I realized that it wasn’t a good idea to have my own prize. Endowing a prize requires things like money. Alfred Nobel had money. I don’t have money.

This doesn’t change my desire to see a crustless brownie pan. So here is what I will do for whichever of you develops the pan for me. I will nominate you for the Nobel Prize.

If any of you already have a Nobel, you know what a thrill and and opportunity this is. If you don’t, maybe you should get to work so I can help you find out.

What Am I Looking For?

I don’t know. I don’t really care how you get it done, I just don’t want crust on my brownie.

Get your chalk and start ciphering. I want to be crust free (image via kotaku.com)

Maybe it is a pan with removable sides. Maybe it is a pan that does not actually exist in this dimension. Perhaps the pan will be dissolve in the heat of the oven. It could be that a pan made out of brownies is the key. Maybe it is a mathematical formula that exists in the mind of someone far brighter than I am.

Let’s face it, people far brighter than me are a dime a dozen. That is where you come in.

It is up to you. After all, if you’re going to get a Nobel, I expect you to do your own work.

I’m looking forward to your eventual success. Good luck to each of you, my potential nominees.

Get to work!

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32 Comments on “I Will Nominate You For The Nobel Prize”

  1. If I do say so myself, I make the best brownies ever! I use a roasting pan to bake mine, so the ratio of crusty edges to non-crusty edges is pretty small. If you want to eliminate crusty edges entirely, use a sharp knife!

    Wendy

    • omawarisan says:

      I am currently a sharp knifer, but my goal is to maximize the goodness of brownies by making them delicious from non-edge to non-edge.

      have to respect your work in lowering the ratio though. well done!

  2. Todd Pack says:

    If you’re trying to eliminate the edge during the baking process (as opposed to cutting it off or leaving it for fans of crusty brownie edges, like myself), you might want to consider baking the browning mix in something like an ice cream machine, with a paddle that constantly stirs the brownie mix to prevent a crusty edge from forming.

    Of course, once the brownie begins to achieve what scientists call “maximum browniocity,” it will become harder to stir, so you might want to then remove the paddle and external heat and finish cooking the brownie with patented brownie-cooking prongs that are poked into the brownie at random points for 30 seconds at a time. (Leaving the prongs in the brownie for longer than 30 seconds would create a slight edge around the prongs themselves.)

    Or, you could do what Wendy said and just trim the edge away with a knife.

  3. Hippie Cahier says:

    So what you’re looking for is something along the lines of chocolate stew?

    If I win and am unable to accept the prize because my employer will not let me leave the office, will it still be awarded?

    • omawarisan says:

      No, the end result has to be brownies that all come out like they were cut from the center of the pan.

      If you win, I will go to Stockholm and pick up your prize and bring it to you. It would be cool if you could take care of renting my tux since I’m somewhat lacking in that area.

  4. shoutabyss says:

    I grabbed my calculator and I’m pretty sure a pan in the shape of a circle will yield the minimum amount of “edginess” at our current level of technology.

    The all edges brownie pan is a clever gimmick akin to the pet rock IMHO.

    • omawarisan says:

      Ahhh, the pet rock. That was a dark time in consumer history, wasn’t it?

      • Spectra says:

        Mine still hasn’t died. Purchased…excuse me…adopted him in 1976 as a Bicentennial joke. Took him over the bridge to Philadelphia. Independance Hall. Liberty Bell. At the end of the day, I just threw him into the Delaware. But like George Washington, undeterred, he just crossedto the other side, and was waiting for me in Jersey when I got home.
        On the up side, the Vet bills have been surprisingly low. He was only vaccinated once, and it seems to have taken. But I really do hate it when he grinds on peoples legs when they visit me. Nothing worse than a perpetually horney Pet Rock.

  5. pattypunker says:

    marie curie, you should have let your fro go, girl.

  6. Kim Pugliano says:

    I got distracted by the picture of Marie. Imagine how life would be different back then if someone had invented hair mousse. The Nobel Prize would have surely been awarded. NO MORE FRIZZY HAIR! I gotta go. I have a brownie pan to invent.

  7. Shawn says:

    I have a sure-to-win recipe that’s very popular in California. I don’t want to give too much away, but it involves a secret ingredient involving the delta-9 isomer of tetrahydrocannabinol (Δ9-THC).

  8. Have you thought of baking them in a water bath? ( a larger pan filled with water surrounding the brownie pan) This might allow a slower heating of the sides, thus less cooking of the, to you, over-cooked edges.

    Although, you and my wife could go into partnership. She loves the edges of the brownies the best. Reminds me of the “top o’ the muffin” episode of Seinfeld.

    • Laura says:

      I think that if you used a water bath, the increased humidity in the oven would prevent the brownies from developing that thin crust-like layer on top. The best advice I can come up with is to use an insulated baking pan. These actually exist; they have two layers of aluminum with an air gap in between. You’d still get crust around the edges, but the crust would be less crusty.

    • omawarisan says:

      I like that theory.

      I like that partnership, sort of like a Jack Spratt thing.

  9. I love Think Geek, but I’m not a fan of this one either. Back when I could eat brownies, I never liked the crusts. I always wanted the center. With ice cream on top.

  10. spencercourt says:

    I too am not fond of brownie crust. I await your announcement of “the solution.”

  11. linlah says:

    I think you said this might involve math so I will be unable to participate.

  12. Abe's Blog says:

    I believe that a crustless brownie can only be achieved in a weightless environment that is free of oxygen. I also believe in Santa. I would like to play the piano at the Nobel thingy like that guy did last time. That was cool.

  13. Ok, my plan is simple and would not only give you more brownieicity but also allow those who love crustiness to partake. (I’m a middle o’ da pan, no crusties kinda gal myself.) I put forth a larger pan. Instead of the basic 8×8 or 9×9 or even 9×11, I suggest a 24″ x 24″ pan. This will not only increase the amount of middle of the pan brownie yumminess by almost 3 times, but will also give to those poor souls who prefer the crusties. Everyone is happy then, right?

  14. tsanda says:

    brownie crusts suck. that innovation makes me want to kill myself. who wants hard non-chewie brownie? I mean if I wanted to eat a dried horse turd I’d just eat last nights dinner again.

  15. So you attach a wormhole to the outside edges of the pan that conveniently causes the edge pieces to disappear and reappear somewhere in a third world country, where the starving children will gratefully accept the less-preferred brownie pieces. It’s a win win. The brownie pan solution is solved, and you’re feeding hungry children. That has to deserve a Nobel Prize.

  16. We found him Captain!! says:

    Some people use the Alice B. Tokalus recipe for good brownies. I recommend this recipe. It is baked in a round pan made of paraffin but you only pour the brownie mixture in the center of the pan while in a very hot oven. you turn the oven off but leave the mixture in the oven with the door open for one half hour. You start eating the center cut brownies at the oven door.

    This recipe was invented by Alice B and Cuma No kell in NJ.

  17. Greg says:

    I believe that the solution is one that can be achieved with today’s technology. I think going the insulated pan way may be the beginning of the solution. I think that if the air gap was replaced with some sort of gel that would achieve the same temperature of the brownie then we would achieve the crust-less baking dish we desire.

  18. […] few years back, I offered a Nobel Prize to anyone who could come up with a way to make crustless brownies. This year, I am not offering the prize. I’ve already decided who gets my Nobel […]


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