Busted Flat In Baton Rouge, Waitin’ On A Plane
Posted: November 10, 2010 Filed under: Foolishness | Tags: airport, animals, Atlanta, bad choices, bad ideas, comedy, humor, i was in miami bitch, life, Miami, miscellaneous, monkey, newark airport, observations, random, rants, shoes, shoes with toes, thoughts, travel, tsa, vacation 30 Comments »Yeah, I know that isn’t how the song goes. I wasn’t in Baton Rouge either.
When I fly I get to the airport early. It just makes me crazy to be running late on a typical day. On travel days it becomes almost an obscession to be early. I kind of like being at the airport (Atlanta, Newark, not you. I hate being at your airports), there is so much to see.
Here’s A Good Idea…Put Your Crappy Attitude In Your Checked Luggage Next Time.
I wasn't looking for a picture of a monkey being screened, but how could I not use it? (Image via Wikipedia)
I like TSA. They do important work. I don’t think they need people mouthing off to them.
I don’t mind if they need to look in my bag. I don’t mind if they ask me questions. I don’t mind taking my shoes off, getting searched, or going through that full body scanner with my hands up on my head so I look like an x-ray of Bullwinkle.
When I was picking up my stuff and putting my shoes on, they were speaking to a guy at a table behind me. They were using a very professional tone. The guy was not.
The guy got to go to the back room. Good job TSA.
You Know, You Can Get A Shot For That
My friend said he got dough balls from a toilet seat. I know better. (Image via Wikipedia)
I’m walking to my gate. It is early morning and they are still restocking the stores with merchandise and the restaurants with delicious airport food.
A cart in front of one restaurant is loaded with boxes prominently labeled Dough Balls.
I knew a guy in college who got dough balls. He told me about the treatment, it almost seemed worse than the disease. I think you can get a shot for it now.
I tried to get a photo of the Dough Balls boxes, but they rolled it away before I could get my camera.
I Don’t Mean To Step On Toes. On Second Thought…
The guy sitting next to me at the gate is wearing those shoes with toes.
I want to step on each of your toes, one at a time. (image via blog.outdoorzy.com)
I hate those shoes. His are red. Why doesn’t he just paint his feet red and staple some rubber to his soles? I have never shopped for those shoes, but I bet they’re expensive. Sometimes, the more people spend for something, the dumber it looks.
I have to make a conscious effort not to step on his toes. Typically I would not have the urge to step on them. Perhaps since he spent so much money to make them so prominent I just want to step on them.
And then say I’m sorry.
And then say “that’s what you get for wearing those shoes!”
I Was In Miami
On my return trip I made a stop at Miami airport.
I spotted a couple wearing matching t-shirts. Matching shirts are never a good idea. It is worse when the t-shirts have “I was in Miami bitch” written on them in rhinestones.
Very classy.
A message to my Miami t-shirted friends:
There should be a comma on your shirt after Miami, knuckleheads.
Perhaps the lack of a comma was intentional.
No. That’s not right.
Your blog had me laughing the whole read through. Excellent stuff. I would have felt the EXACT same way about those ridiculous shoes. Also, where can I buy some shoes like that, and do they come hot pink?
Thank you sir.
Maybe it is tough to render a comma in rhinestones?
I hate those body scanners, but it’s not like it’s the fault of the folks working the line at the airport. Plus, it can’t be fun looking at quasi-nude pictures of lumpy tourists.
P.S. Those toe shoes always make me think of the shoes the monkeys wore in Planet of the Apes. Unless you’re sporting a full Cornelius (thick, flowing brown hair and chin beard plus a prosthetic face), ditch the shoes.
Stop PICKING ON THE SHOES!!
Thank you.
A full Cornelius!!!
Those shoes are both very comfortable and good for your feet (I don’t own a pair but I know very nice people who do.) They are also not all that expensive.
Compassion for TSA agents but vindictive towards people wearing toe shoes and matching t-shirts???
For God’s sake don’t bite yourself by accident today, you will surely die.
Have a nice day!!
Ok. So I might have ordered a pair of the shoes. MIGHT.
Oh man, I’m sorry Katybeth. For what it’s worth, I think his toe shoes were sorely in need of a pedicure and all his toes were hammer toes. All ten.
To paraphrase the God, Rodney Dangerfield, “I’m sure they look good on you”.
another classy tee: i went to newark and i didn’t get car-jacked.
God…that place. Could their airport be more of a bunker? Probably not, bunkers have food inside the secured area.
The comma error strikes again, but in a different format! (Hopewell, High School.)
Just don’t come home wearing a shirt that says “I was in Raleigh, bitch” with or without the, comma.
Oh yeah, Maryland v NC State is Thanksgiving, weekend.
I bet the guy with the red foot shoes had a pair of orange crocs in his hand luggage.
I think the guy who went to the special TSA room had crocs.
Crocs have a lot of cavities to search!
Dough balls? Is that where the holes in doughnuts go?
Thank you for speaking out on behalf of one of the most beleaguered of punctuation marks, second only perhaps to its flying cousin, the apostrophe.
I am not fond of the “b” word, but I am fond of capitalization. Do you think that suffered because of rhinestone issues as well?
I have it on good authority that the cherry blossoms of Newark are far better than those of our beloved DC. Go figure.
And sorry, Kb, but those shoes are just silly.
The B word has gone from taboo to sadly common (on more than one level), I hate to see it myself.
Now that you mention capitalization, I think every letter on the shirt was capitalized. That makes sense to me because if one is going to parade around advertising one’s lack of class, I’d imagine one would want to do it with the bold statement that only upper case letters can make
Love the comparison to Bullwinkle…
I’m with you on the shoes, Oma…I don’t think they’ve made it to New Brunswick yet!
Those shirts are just bad!
Wendy
The shirts were bad, but apparently a trend. I put it out on twitter and the next day a friends spotted one at the Atlanta airport.
Can I move to New Brunswick?
I think those shoes are beyond weird. I saw them in a storefront in Bloomington, IN a few years back. I didn’t know what to think at the time.
The guy that was wearing them wasn’t much better
Wearing red toe shoes to the airport? Obviously amateurs. If removing them is anything like removing a glove, one finger at a time, you know they held up the line.
And yeah, you’ve gotta be quick with the camera if you wanna catch a shot of the elusive dough balls.
Thanks for the laughs, glad you’re back.
Oh man, yeah if he wore those through the TSA line he’d have to take a beating from everyone behind him.
Tnank you, that was kind of you to say.
I’ve been to Atlanta airport; I’ve not been to Newark airport. But Miami airport is definitely the pits. Next time, think about driving up the road to Lauderdale. Much nicer airport. And the fare may be lower. Also they speak English at that airport. I don’t have a problem with Spanish since that’s in my blood and I can get by. But some Americans think one should speak English when in America. I can accept that, but then they insist on speaking English when in Spain too, which makes no sense.
Oh god, Newark is awful. I have a great friend who lives nearby, I can fly there for next to nothing, but I hate that airport more than anything.
Dough balls?!!! I love that.
I’m thinking of having the dough balls talk with my doctor.
Delicious airport food, you really were on vacation.
Is the comma, in, the right place?
, what?
I just got back from a trip as well! Post to come soon. But I had to comment on those “shoes.” A friend of mine wears them and I have my Blackberry set to display a photo of his foot with the shoes when he calls. It’s getting kinda creepy though.