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The Jolie Pez Project: An Announcement

After launching her effort to travel the Earth to get to know the people and places she will be saving from certain destruction, The Jolie stormed through Connecticut and Queens, NY. And then…

…nothing.

In transit to her next destination, she vanished. E-mails flew as the Blurt staff and many of her fans waited nervously to learn of her fate. Agencies across the globe were notfied and went to work searching for The Jolie. Satellites were shifted from their normal missions and reprogrammed to pick up the glow of her wonderfulness…

…nothing.

Before I go on with this announcement, I want to thank all the fans of the Jolie who wrote, all my friends who called looking for updates and expressing their concern. Your support has meant so much to me.

Now, as the manager of The Jolie Pez Project, it is my duty to inform you that…

THE JOLIE LIVES!

Yes, friends, she is alive. I am still unsure of exactly what happened. I know she left her last stop, but what happened after that is still a mystery. She has gone to get professional help to assist her in processing the emotions triggered by what happened, but she has been reluctant to speak with me about it.

Here is what I do know:

I walked out onto my porch a few days ago and heard a groan. This is not unusual, the neighbors often groan when they realize that another day has dawned and they still live next to me. The fact that the groan was not followed by a barrage of eggs and rotten fruit caught my attention. I looked to the other end of the porch and there she was, face down on the concrete.

I am sure you can see this was a horrible scene to walk up on. I was glad to see she was alive, but to find her in this state was quite traumatic. I called 911.

The police drew a chalk line around The Jolie and an ambulance took her away for treatment. It was an emotional time for the community.

When The Jolie was released from the hospital she was covered in bandages. Sadly, the paparazzi were there. The Jolie came back to my house to recover.

We spent a lot of time talking about her mission – whether she wanted to continue her travels and how important it was that she stay safe. She was certain about going on. There was only one decision to make. Where would she go?

We talked about it, and discussed the list of  people waiting for a visit. She locked on to her destination and would not be deterred.

Get ready, she is on her way.

For those who’ve already gotten in line for a visit from The Jolie, be patient, she will get around, by and by. If you’ve not gotten on the list, it is never too late. Look over the original post and comment there, or drop me an email! Remember, The Jolie is here to see and save the entire world. She’s very interested in international travel.

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33 Comments on “The Jolie Pez Project: An Announcement”

  1. Look out, Todd! She’s coming!

    Wendy

  2. pattypunker says:

    i’m surprised lady gaga hasn’t tried wrapping herself in band-aids. it’s quite a look.

  3. Todd Pack says:

    I know a Batman action figure that’s really excited about this.

  4. hippie cahier says:

    I kept scanning the celebrity news, thinking maybe she’d been detained for “holding” Paris Hilton’s purse or something. Or maybe there was another Pez-related childbirth. Thank goodness she’s safe and back on her journey.

    • omawarisan says:

      I too was concerned that she’d fallen in with a Paris Hilton action figure or perhaps a Lindsay Lohan so while she was in the hospital and sedated, the doctors got a bit of her hair and tested it, shes clean.

  5. Phew! I was wondering what happened to her.

  6. Margie says:

    Wait, she’s not coming to California next? even after the chalk line incident?

  7. Brooke says:

    Can’t wait to see what trouble she gets into with Todd. :)

    • omawarisan says:

      I’m curious too. You just dont know what an experience like whatever it is she went through can do to a person’s psyche. Let’s face it, she’s shown that shes had some issues in her previous stops.

  8. Pie says:

    I’m happy to know she is safe and well. She can now go on her mission to save the world once more. I wait in high anticipation for the next installment…

  9. linlah says:

    I’m thinking she was hiding from all those kids.

  10. Katybeth says:

    Its really all about finding those image’s…isn’t it? Via Con Diaz Joliet….

    On another note–its so nice to hear that others experience a neighborly groan….

  11. hippie cahier says:

    I can see the pictures better from this computer. I wonder if she might be another victim of botched cosmetic surgery. Tattoo removal? Can’t wait for the memoir.

    On an unrelated note, maybe you should try developing some Ninja skills to catch the eggs and fruit. Spring tuition bills and all.

    • omawarisan says:

      I don’t know how evident it is in the pictures, but it will be plainly obvious to you when she arrives at your place that she has had some work done. Her proportions are a little unnatural.

      Wait, isn’t saline natural?

  12. planetross says:

    I woke up in a chalk outline once … I must have been there a while … because I was a lot thinner for some reason.

    note: am I on the list for the Jolie? I think I signed up for this.

    • omawarisan says:

      You might have been thinner. On the other hand, chalk lines are quite slimming.

      Yes you are on the list. My aim is to arrange for her to go Magellan on the planet and circle it. I need to sit down and email all her potential stops and firm things up

  13. spencercourt says:

    I’m glad to hear that Jolie is safe!

    If she is interested in the neon lights of Vegas, I can give her the grand tour if she’s available. I will be there in December I think. Weeks of Dec 5th and 12th are most likely…

  14. dottiemaggie says:

    How dramatic! I’m glad she’s pulled through and ready to carry on the mission!


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