Deploying My Predator Drone
Posted: September 13, 2010 Filed under: Foolishness | Tags: comedy, General Atomics MQ-1 Predator, humor, jerks, life, manners, Nerf, nerf rockets, predator drone 20 Comments »I don’t really have a lot of need for military hardware. Things like that are best left to the competent and brave people that we’re all blessed to have looking after us. There is one thing I am going to need.
It is time for me to have a Predator Drone of my very own.
First, A Disclaimer
I would never use my Predator Drone to attack anyone. I’m not a violent guy by any measure.
Scientists From My R&D Staff Conduct A Press Conference (Image by Eneas via Flickr)
I would, however, make sure to get some press coverage of me at the local airport taking delivery of the Omawari-drone. Why? Because I want some people to know I have it. The thought of me having a drone would certainly be enough for those people.
Sometimes it’s truly the thought that counts, isn’t it?
So If Not For Attacking People, Why?
The Omawari-drone will be an extension of me when I can’t really be somewhere that I’d like to be. Let me give a couple examples.
Over the Labor Day weekend, a large group of my friends were together. As much as I wanted to be there with them, I had a more pressing event closer to home that I chose to attend. I sent a video phone message to the group, but that was not as satisfying as I’d have liked.
Now imagine the effect on my friends if I were able to drop leaflet messages on the party to let them know I was thinking of them. Without warning, wisecracks would flutter down upon them and we’d all have a good laugh.
Swapping Explosives For Nerf Rockets
Drones are great for looking in on and influencing situations far away. In their military application, rockets make them a formidable offensive weapon. I’m not particularly interested in blowing people up.
A Test Firing Of A Nerf Rocket By My R&D Staff (Image via Wikipedia)
Still, the whole idea of using rockets to put situations right appeals to me. The Omawari-drone will remain rocket equipped, but my rockets will be Nerf foam rockets.
My plan is to keep my drone airborne, constantly patrolling the skies looking for jerks.
Remember the other day when that woman blew her horn at you the moment the traffic light turned green? How about that guy that felt justified in humiliating that waitress for a simple, human mistake? Those are the kind of people my drone would rain Nerf rockets upon so that all who see them would know they were caught in some anti-social behavior.
Think they can keep that cocky attitude while I’m raining yellow foam rockets down upon them? I think we both know better.
I’m Scouring eBay
Because we are friends, I will rain these down upon those who offend you (image via superorangewebs.com)
I’m busily looking scouring eBay and Amazon for the perfect late model drone that my staff can upfit with a Nerf rocket launcher. I will not be denied.
You will know that I have succeeded in getting the Omawari-drone program off the ground on a fateful day not long in the future. You might even miss the press conference. Yet there will come a day when you run across someone who is supremely rude to you. When things are at their most frustrating, Nerf rockets of shame will rain down on your tormentor without warning.
As you walk away, remember to smile for the Omawari-drone’s camera.
I’m remotely here for you.
Related Articles
- Predator drones to patrol entire US-Mexico border (alternet.org)
Your nerf rockets won’t have suction cups on the ends, will they?
Nope, but if darts actually worked, having a dozen stuck to someone would change their attitude. I’m going with the shock value of springy foam rockets bouncing off peoples cranium to change behavior.
Loved thoughtsappear’s comment!
You are very surreptitious, adding my blog to your Blogroll without saying anything (thank you!)…
Your post reminds me of when I asked Jim why he brought home the big jar of olives from Costco: “Because I wanted a big jar of olives!”
Wendy
That’s how I roll!
If that jar is black olives, I am getting in the car and driving north.
Sorry…the green ones that look like eyes…ewww!
Wendy
P.S. I added you to my Blogroll too, under “He Said…”
Oh bleah.
Not the blog roll, the olives!
So what your saying is, if i happen to see someone with a welt on their back shaped like a foam rocket…
Well my saying “nothing quite says ‘i love you guys’ quite like a swarm of strike drones” is all that comes to mind.
Good luck on the search.
It depends. One rocket, yeah, that’s sort of a hello to a friend. But if you see someone getting pelted with nerf rockets, they have obviously overstepped
you da bomb!
and I’ve got a rocket in my pocket
I was going to comment here, but instead I’m going to run outside and hold up a sign for the drone camera. . .
Got it. One BLT, cut the crust off, light mayo. One blueberry yogurt. One Snapple Green tea.
I’ll fly the drone low over your building when it is ready; come outside and I’ll drop it to you.
Now I want one with the nerf rockets too.
It’s an idea whose time has come!
LOL! Yes! This sounds like a great idea! There’s been a few people in the media recently who deserve to be hit by nerf rockets!
P.S. Where is mini-Jolie? I miss reading about her adventures?
I agree, over and over until they go away.
The Jolie had a transit delay. She is alive, well and will be making her return soon.
I hope you are taking care of your precious bodily fluids!
To clarify my previous comment:
Oh I was with you, that is Mrs. O’s favorite movie. But yeah, if you dont know it, that would realllllly need some clarifying!
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