The Policies Of My Administration: Autobiography Titles
Posted: August 30, 2010 Filed under: The policies of my administration, Uncategorized | Tags: celebrities, comedy, Dewey Decimal Classification, Dewey Decimal System, humor, Libraries, menudo, music, news, policies of my administration, Ricky Martin, The Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman, thoughts 22 Comments »
His head is like a rectangle (Image by C.Estrada via Flickr)
Not long ago I received a missive from a friend who reads the blog. The note let me know that “singer” Ricky Martin has an autobiography coming out in November. The title of Mr. Martin’s autobiography is Me. My friend inquired about my thoughts on that choice of title. That question is the source of this policy.
On A Personal Note
Before I explain my administration’s policy on autobiographies, a quick message to my friend.
It disturbs me that you are aware of this sort of information on Ricky Martin. I certainly hope that this is not an indication that you are, on some level, a fan of his music. If this were the case, it would be a clear violation of the friendship agreement you signed. I direct your attention to Section 2, Parts A-C, entitled Unacceptable Musical Tastes.
While I would not think of exercising my legal right to dissolve said agreement, I will certainly exercise my right to look at you in a manner I deem to be befitting someone who would listen to such music. Please issue a statement of reassurance at your earliest convenience at your first opportunity and lets put this ugly incident behind us.
Regarding Autobiographies
As to the policy implications of Martin’s autobiography being named Me, I am going to say something that disturbs me.
I think Ricky Martin is on to something. Please note that I am limiting that statement strictly to the area of autobiography titling.
My administration will cause a major change to occur to the publishing industry and in library science. Effective when I take over, all autobiographies will be required to be entitled Me. Autobiographies already in print will be retitled.
It just makes too much sense to me not to have it that way.
Regarding Library Science
God Bless Melvil Dewey (Image by aaron schmidt via Flickr)
Those who know me best, know that I am a major supporter of the Dewey Decimal System. Of all the various decimal systems, it is my informed opinion that Dewey is the finest.
I aware that most people have the Dewey Decimal System committed to memory, so making a major change in it would lead to chaos. I am very anti-chaos.
Despite the retitling, autobiographies will be found with the other 920 call numbers, just where you’ve always found them. They will all be titled Me, and shelved in alphabetical order according to the author/subjects last name.
A Notable Exception
The Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman will be filed with the autobiographies, even though it is a historic novel concerning a fictional character. The new title of this book will be Me, Even Though I Never Existed Other Than As A Character In An Important Story About A Dark Period In US History, By Miss Jane Pittman, but actually by Ernest J. Gaines.
Other similarly titled books will be handled on a case by case basis based on this model.
Under your policy, will all biographies be given new names such as Her or Him or That Guy Who Did That Thing and Everybody Was, Like, Wow, but Then We All Forgot About Him?
Oooh, good thought.
Yes. That is now policy.
Your last suggestion is going to be the title of my Biography of Prince.
I like Ricky Martin’s concept because if he wants to add another volume, he can call it “Me Later” or “More of Me” or just “Me Too.” Maybe even “Me, Myself” (and then obviously “Later” comes in Volume III.
Good thought. He’s not that old, so another book on fading further into obscurity would probably be appropriate. There will have to be some sort of standardization for people who do more than one.
What about Me Again, then Me Again Again, followed by Me Again Again Again…etc. Let’s face it, most people who write multiple autobiographies are people no one wants to hear from all that much. All the agains will discourage them from writing quite so many – I hope.
Someone needs to put that in action for Katie Price, a.k.a Jordan, here in Blighty. I think she’s on her millionth autobiography now, to no great effect.
omawarisan,
you sound like a little, nasty person.
By the way, Katharine Hepburn’s autobiography is titled Me.
I am.
Thanks for stopping by
By the way, Katharine Hepburn’s autobiography, Me, will be shelved with all the other Me books. Look for her in the H section.
Well caught, Oma. Well done!
Oh, thanks, omawarisan…I already hate shelving books in my bookstore, and now you’re going to make it harder!
Wendy
P.S. I would also have serious doubts about any of my friends who profess to have intimate knowledge of R.M.
But think of how easy it will be for your customers to find the autobiographies they want! That section will be completely self service.
As the owner of a large piece of paper in an even larger frame that signifies I am the holder of a Master’s Degree in Library Science, I have just two comments:
SuDoc kicks Dewey’s patootie.
I think you should shake your bon bon a little.
Hey! Don’t say patootie here Ms Potty Mouth!
Speaking of the large piece of paper, have you noticed that diplomas from UMCP are bigger than most? What is the deal? Mine is framed, but I don’t have a wall big enough to put it on.
Not that size matters . . .ahem . . . but, yes, they are rather large, not to mention prestigious and highly coveted.
I’m sorry, but I can’t believe you have and would tolerate a friend whose musical interest includes Ricky Martin. You must disown him. Now, Ricky Martin. I think the title, “Me,” is probably an indication of the depth of topic. ‘Nuff said.
Oh no worries. I’ve heard from the friend and had a confirmation of the exceptional taste I’ve always known from them.
What about the rockstars who have consumed so many substances that they have to rely on someone else to write about their life?
That would be, for instance: Me, By Ozzy Osbourne by Alex Haley.
This example assumes Ozzy hasn’t already written one and Alex Haley is back from the dead.
All “Me” autobiographies should be subtitled, “It’s all about me.”
I was thinking of titling my autobiography: Me, Myself, and I….subtitled: Always Thinking of Others
Remember, appearances are not what the seem: look at Gov. Blagowhatever. Not guilty of most everything. The people have spoken…the idiots.
I could consider making an exception for that title. It is the most honest title I’ve ever heard.
I served on a jury a few years ago. It was terrifying. I could not believe the conclusions some people were reaching based on what was presented.
Justin Bieber is also coming out with an autobiography. Because, you know, he’s experienced SO MUCH in his 16 years. (Note: This does not indicate any sort of fandom on my part. In fact, I had never heard more than about five seconds of his, um, music until I was in a store the other day, wondering who the awful girl singing was. It wasn’t until a lyric to the effect of “girl, I’ll never leave you” came along that I realized that the awful girl was not, in fact a girl, but likely the Biebster. Now, that could have just been an erroneous assumption on my part, but I have no intention of Googling “Justin Bieber lyrics” to see if I was right.)
Hmmmm. OK it’s cool, he said, his suspicions aroused.