Live Nude Dogs
Posted: November 4, 2009 Filed under: The policies of my administration | Tags: dog clothes, dog outfits, dogs, nude 15 Comments »
Dogs. They know how to do so much without our help. If only they could tell you how much they hate that outfit you bought.
My friends, it is time to announce a new policy that will be implemented by my administration.
The policy is simply this – dogs should not wear clothes. Ever. I will call this the Live Nude Dogs Law. Why? Because as best I can tell from signs in the admittedly unpleasant part of town I work in, the words live and nude always go together.
Now, it has been my observation that there are two distinct groups of people in the US – those who think dogs are embarrassed when people put clothes on them, and those who convince themselves that dogs like…nay, desire to wear cute little outfits.
You people who are in the group that put clothes on dogs are wrong. What the rest of us see when you dress your dog up, is mans best friend, being embarrassed needlessly.
Your dog knows it isn’t a cowboy, or a hula dancer, or a firefighter. Furthermore, it knows that other dogs will look at it askance when their paths cross.
Every Sunday I drive past a church group who meets with and feeds the homeless in one part of my town. They meet under a large overpass. One of the church people brings a Dalmatian dog each week and attaches a little plastic fire helmet to its head with an elastic band. The dog walks around with its head down. Other dogs do not come around him. He is not a fire dog, never has been. He knows it , his peers know it. His owner does not.
My administration will not tolerate this sort of emotional abuse of these noble creatures. Yes, I know that there will be protests. All the same, someone has to make the hard decisions on topics, like this one, that threaten our nation. I am that person.
So, effective immediately upon my taking over, it will be illegal to dress a dog in any garment, shoe, or headgear for recreational purposes. Service animals will be excluded from this policy, assuming the clothing they are given to wear is related to their duties.
Persons who formerly dressed dogs in outfits will be given counseling. They will be taught to spend the money they once spent on dog outfits on clothes for themselves.
Dogs have fur. That is their clothes. They don’t wish for more than that, no matter how much you really want them to.
Oh, my dogs enjoy dressing up so very much. The only reason they look sad is because they are worried that I might take those cute outfits off of them.
I’ve seen your dogs, they’re great
Oh, I had to get a Kleenex out upon reading the part of the embarrassed Dalmation. I had no idea such an important law was not, at least, in the works, somewhere.
I’ve considered stopping and taking the hat off that dog. I think he would start dancing.
By the way, you can sleep tonight knowing I have never placed clothes on my dogs, let alone even considered doing so. See what a perfect fit I’d be for your administration?
Oh yeah, you’re in.
I know my dog hates having to wear a sweater, but she’s an 11-pound mini dachshund. In the cold weather if she’s naked, she shivers like crazy. Does that get a pass?
Yes, under strict circumstances. The garment must be strictly practical in nature. It can’t look like he or she is dressed up as something other than a cold dog.
thank you. because she’s a doxie, she can be considered a chili dog.
I never dressed my pup but I had her shaved once and she acted like I stole her dogbones. Great write
Wow. Just found this. Couldn’t agree more!
Does that mean that won’t be able to shop at the Wal-Mart and Lowes any more? (Unless they truly have a valid verifiable medical reason to accompany their owner, of course.)
I suspect we’re seeing a lot of abuse in the animal companion laws of late. “Because I want to” is simply not a good enough reason.
I think the Dept. of Asshole Enforcement would be well-suited to handling the fakers. Saying your pet is a service animal when it really isn’t should be just as punishable as parking in a handicap parking space! :@
Nope…no dogs, clothed or nude, even in Walmart, unless they’re a service animal!
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Hi omawarisan:
Congrats on being “Freshly Pressed.” I loved this post! I totally agree: http://writerwoman61.wordpress.com/2010/07/16/twelve-things-i-wouldnt-do-for-all-the-tea-in-china/ (see #5).
Wendy
The dogs of the world thank you, I’m sure they do. I agree wholeheartedly.
Thanks for saying so. I don’t think loving them equates with taking their dignity.
Cats, on the other hand, SHOULD be dressed, to humble them a bit. My cat has a cape. I like to make him wear this to make him realise he too can look stupid at my behest and he is therefore under me, not in power over me as he thinks…
Welcome ma’am! I applaud your thinking. I like the idea of a cape as a behavior modification garment.