More on the coming Komodo Dragon menace.Posted: May 25, 2009
A few days ago, in my post entitled Today they climb ladders, tomorrow, they’re picking your locks , I tried to do what I could to alert my vast readership to the growing threat to society from Komodo Dragons.
Today I ran across an AP article that further raises the threat level from Komodo Dragons. In fact, based on this information, I am raising the Komodo Dragon threat level to yellow.
Please don’t panic at the raised threat level, but do conduct yourself accordingly. Perhaps some drills with your family would be appropriate. Also, duct tape your windows and doors shut. I don’t know why, but then, I don’t know why we were supposed to duct tape them the last time I heard we should.
Regarding the reliable intelligence in the Komodo Dragon article by the AP, villagers who lived alongside the dragons for generations have become concerned by an increasing number of attacks. Can you get more reliable than that? The neighbors always know whats going on.
In the past thirty-five years four people have been killed by Komodo Dragons. Some may find that within an acceptable range of risk. But what about if I put the information into a scary chart like this with lots of exclamation points :
Since the article didn’t say anything about dragons killing anyone before 1974, we can assume it never happened. That’s just the responsible thing to do. So, if you look at this chart I made up it is plain to see that in 1974 murders by Komodo Dragons skyrocketed. Then, since the turn of the millennium, there were three more. If you add those to the one in 1974, you get 4, a 400% increase in people killed by Komodo Dragons.
But wait, it’s even scarier when you realize that the dragons are getting sneakier in their planned attacks.
Look at this picture of a Komodo Dragon leaving a public restroom. Let’s face it, he didn’t go in there to sit on the john. That leaves two possibilities. Either he was lying in wait for some unsuspecting soul who really did need to relieve themselves or he was once a Republican Congressman from Idaho. Since the dragon does not have a jacket lapel to put the required American Flag pin on, he cannot be a Republican.
So there you have it, the Komodo Dragons are getting more devious in their methods of operation. A person is not even safe from them at the most private of moments.
Lastly, I will pass on documentation of a Komodo Dragon using two of its lesser known, but equally effective, weapons – sarcasm and profanity.
Here is a photo of a Komodo Dragon hurling a verbal stream of invectives and abuse upon a victim. There was a recording of the audio, but it was so profane it had to be destroyed. The tape was played for a crowd of sailors on shore leave. All of them required extensive counseling to return to a normal level of mental health.
So, in preparation for the coming wave of Komodo Dragon attacks I recommend taking the following precautions and preparations.
- Duct tape your windows. I don’t know why, just do it.
- If you’re in a public restroom and the occupant in the next stall has a wide stance, it might not be a congressman
- Buy ear plugs.